


Ugly Mistakes

by Zzxya



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Fashion & Models, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, Dark! Eren, Drugs, Eventual Sexual Content, F/M, Forced Prostitution, Gangs, M/M, Minor Character Death, Mugging, Sexual Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-22
Updated: 2014-04-17
Packaged: 2018-01-05 11:52:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1093579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zzxya/pseuds/Zzxya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Meet one of the most promising Calvin Klein models of his day and age, Erwin Smith. The man is practically the definition of perfect. Strong face, perfect body, photogenic beyond belief, that is all him. Everyone always assumed he would date the most beautiful Victoria’s Secret model or cutest Guess girl but one chance encounter shattered all of those preconceived notions. It was only one night. It was only one stupid party. He was only a stony faced male prostitute. Or at least that was what Erwin thought until he found himself falling deeper and deeper for the trashy man with those stormy gray eyes … [DISCONTINUED]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Party (more like the mistake)

**Author's Note:**

> Haha okay I was so nervous to put this up. I don't usually write stuff like this but the idea for this fic just kind of came to me one day and I had to write it. I mean, Levi's a prostitute come on. 
> 
> I'm not to sure how serious I'm going to be about this one. If you guys like it and want me to continue I will but I'm going to need to know. If not then I'll leave it as a one shot. Please pardon any grammar, spelling, and OOC-ness or feel free to let me know. Comments, kudos, and bookmarks make my day! Happy Holidays~!

Erwin strutted casually as the hot runway lights blared all around him. This coat was much too heavy, the air was thick with overly expensive perfume, and everyone was way too loud. He maintained a cool head, remembering what his personal trainer had said. “Keep your eyes forward, gaze intense, chin up, shoulders back, chest out, and most importantly never look at your feet.” Erwin had been a model for three years, he was no longer an amateur. He knew what to do now.

 

People always told him his style of walking and photography was ‘laid back yet confident’. Personally, he found it amusing that people were impressed by the way he simply walked and that companies, including Calvin Klein, would pay obscene amounts of money just to have him take pictures in their clothes. He never really liked the attention he got from modeling. He was more of an introvert anyways.

 

Although that did not stop the media from exploiting him as soon as they discovered who he was when he booked his first show for Tom Ford. Now every model knew who Erwin was. The masses knew as well. He was not considered a celebrity, but he might as well have been one. Even a trip to the grocery store could result in him getting recognized or stared at mercilessly by both men and women alike.

 

He hated it.

 

He hated it but he endured it.

 

Granted, sometimes it was nice, knowing you could always call on someone and they would come. Knowing someone who would always know who you were. But it was tiring. Sometimes Erwin would let his mind wander and would end up thinking about his life before he had been spotted in that cursed mall. It seemed like so long ago. These past few years had been a busy blur. 

 

One foot in front of the other. He did this in his house. He did this in the store. It was nothing new. It was not a foreign concept that was complex and hard to understand. It was just walking, but people loved it. Round the corner. Pause for a second. Nod head slightly. It was like a game. The game was not always the same, but it was routine. It became robotic.

 

The sounds of cheers and hollers died down behind him as made his way to the end of the runway then exited. So much hassle for less than a minute of walking down and back a straight platform. It was his job though and it had its moments when it could be bearable.

 

“Amazing as usual Mr. Studmuffin.” Hanji grinned as she made her way towards him. He chuckled while opening his arms to wrap her in a hug which she graciously accepted.

 

“Your flattery is too much.”

 

“The crowd seemed pretty excited to see you from what I could hear back here,” She winked at him from behind her glasses, “But then again, they always are.”

 

She pulled away and sized him up before speaking again. “They actually did a good job for once on picking out a fitting outfit. It’s stark and bland; perfect for you.”

 

“Well you weren’t here early enough to pick it out yourself so I’m glad it meets your standards.” He said smugly. Hanji sneered at him.

 

“Hey I was late because I had personal matters. Sawney and Bean both had to go to the vet earlier today and I had to make sure they were going to be okay.” Erwin resisted a smirk, instead keeping his face as flat as always.

 

“Dogs keeping you from supporting your best friend?” Erwin said. Hanji made a face.

 

“You know that’s not it.” Erwin chuckled lightheartedly. Hanji’s face returned to her normal cheery expression. She was about to say something when a voice suddenly interrupted their conversation, making the two look over to find the source.

 

“Oi you two should just get together already.” Mike teased. Hanji’s mouth dropped open slightly and Erwin raised an eyebrow. Hanji was his best friend. She was like another one of the guys, except cooler and more down to Earth. He admired her. She was good at what she does too, that being taking world class pictures of Erwin for magazines and she always being there to support him. He had grown very close to her ever since she had begun her career as his personal photographer two years ago.

 

“I’m kidding. Stop staring at me like you’ve just been caught doing something you weren’t supposed to.” Mike said. Hanji closed her mouth.

 

“Glad to see you too Mike.” Erwin smiled politely. Mike looked like he was about to say something but instead he narrowed his eyes and leaned forward, invading Hanji’s personal space more than a little.

 

“U-um … Mike –”

 

“You smell like dog.” He interrupted. Erwin did not bother to hide it when he rolled his eyes. Hanji’s mouth was opening and closing like a fish out of water. Erwin could see the gears turning in her head. Her cheeks began to turn slightly red.

 

“Is it really that obvious?!” Hanji burst out. Although she had said it rather loudly, her cry was drowned out by the noise backstage. Mike smirked to himself, but not because she had taken offense. It was just a weird habit of his.

 

“No, no that’s not it Hanji. Mike’s just being impolite. I’m sure you know that by now.” Erwin reassured her as he shot a warning look to Mike who merely shrugged. Yes Hanji was cool. Just paranoid. About a lot of things actually. She quickly collected herself then sighed.

 

“Ok well, you two are busy men, I should leave you to your business. Have fun you guys!” Hanji quickly turned and disappeared into the confusing and chaotic mess of models and make-up artists backstage. Erwin turned to Mike.

 

“Was that really necessary?” Erwin sighed. Mike grinned haughtily.

 

“Of course it was. But personally, I think you can do much better. What about Rico or Rene? They are both some fine looking women if you ask me. Stay away from Nanaba though, I’ve been working hard on that beauty for a while now and I think she is just starting to open up to my advances.” Erwin scoffed. Of course Mike was trying to match make for him. Yes, Rico, Rene, and Nanaba were beautiful women and models, inside and out. They had become close friends of his and Mike’s over the past year. But it was odd. He did not feel attracted to any of them in any other way than as friends. Mike constantly barraged him about it but Erwin never knew what to say.

 

“Hanji is a wonderful friend and I could not ask for anyone more understanding and helpful as her. I didn’t ask what you thought.” He snapped. Mike looked a little taken back by the outburst. Mike was a male model just like Erwin and a close friend at that. They had both been discovered at the same time, gaining interest and attention from top companies as quickly as they had been spotted. Erwin and Mike were similar in more ways than one. They both were relatively serious and professional men who took their work seriously even though neither of them enjoyed it as much as one might think. They both had a unique look, Erwin’s being the sharpness of his facial features and Mike’s being his overall rustic and high end appearance. Because they had been through so much together Mike constantly teased Erwin but the blond would simply brush it off. It had become routine just like the events in their lives. 

 

He really wanted something exciting to happen. To think the life of a model would be more interesting …

 

Erwin had yet to travel internationally, yet his agents seemed to be working behind the scenes in an effort to make that happen. Mike’s agents were doing the same as far as Erwin was aware. Maybe that would be a way to shake things up. This same old; photo shoot, runway, fitting schedule was starting to take its toll on him.

 

“I didn’t mean to offend man, honestly. I’m just looking out for you. I’ve been catching a whiff of … loneliness when I’ve been around you lately.” Mike’s apology was sincere. Erwin inwardly cursed himself. Mike did not know Hanji the way he did. He was only going off of what he knew, which was not much, so how could he blame him. Hanji really was not his type anyway. Whatever that may even be.

 

Wait, had he said loneliness? 

 

Clearly this was not just about Hanji. “It’s alright. I suppose you make a good point.” Erwin contemplated that for a moment. Was he lonely? It was not a far-fetched idea that much was certain.

 

“Hey, I got an idea. Why don’t you come with me to Gunther’s party after the show?” Mike asked nonchalantly. Erwin narrowed his eyes in response. Mike sighed.

 

“Look I know this schedule we’ve got going here is boring as hell and the people are … less than pleasant … so why not just let loose and have some fun with your pals?”

 

“Pals? Who else will be there?”

 

“Hm … let’s see. Gunther obviously since it’s his party, Eld, Oluo, Ian, Moses, and Nile just name a few of the guys. Rico, Rene, Anka, Nanaba, and I heard Petra may even be coming plus I’m sure there will be more when we get there.” Mike said. Erwin could not help but raise another eyebrow at this.

 

“Would this happen to be the reason you mentioned the girls earlier?”

 

“Ah, perceptive as always Erwin.” Mike winked.

 

Erwin was honestly stuck. As much as he wanted to go and hang out with his friends he had a gut feeling that it was not the best idea. He did not know what it was exactly, just a weird and unsettling feeling he could not shake. Maybe it was because he had hardly spoken to the people Mike had mentioned, and when he had they were just little conversations that never seemed to last longer than a few minutes. Erwin had been told before he had a pretty intimidating aura so he could only assume that was why.

 

Granted this was exactly what he had been asking for. A golden opportunity had landed right in front of his feet. Was he to take it or pass it up? He had been invited to these kind of ‘after parties’ before but the thought of wandering about bored for hours on end with terrible music blasting in his ears made the invitation seem less desirable. He did not have much he could do back in his apartment (which was where he was planning on going after the show anyways), and it was not likely that a wild and unruly party would make him feel any better about himself.

 

Holy crap he sounded like a pessimist.

 

Erwin sighed. “Screw it, whatever happens happens. Just take the stupid risk.” He thought.

 

“I’ll go.” The words slipped past his teeth. Mike’s eyes lightened.

 

“Really?!” He exclaimed. Erwin nodded reluctantly.

 

“Erwin! Mike! You’re up in two minutes! Get ready to walk!” The director called over the commotion. Erwin cringed. Right, they still had one last walk before the finale.

 

“I’ll be done in one!” Mike called back, “Okay, I’ll be at your place at nine. Party starts at nine thirty. Tell Hanji she can come too if she wants.” Erwin nodded again. Mike was about to turn and disappear to change into his last outfit but he stopped and looked at Erwin with an unreadable expression.

 

“They said it was going to be one hell of a party. You’ll have fun, I know it.” And with that he disappeared into the mix of men and women changing and shouting. Erwin too decided it was time to change. As he located and slipped into his new set of clothes he began to really ponder what Mike had said.

 

Damn he hoped that man was right.

 

…

 

Erwin stepped out of the shower. He shivered as he was greeted by a surge of cold air. It had been a surprisingly cold week and the temperatures had dropped below thirty once or twice. Today was better, but none the less the cold still lingered its ghostly fingers over everything. He dried himself off, changed into his clothes, and checked his phone. 9:02 p.m.

 

Almost as if summoned by the mere glance at the time Mike knocked on the door to his apartment. Erwin opened it and they greeted each other as if they had not seen the other only an hour ago. As they left the warmth of the heated apartment Erwin noticed small snow flurries descending lazily from the sky. They did not stick on the ground. He did not mind the cold weather. He had grown up in a place where winters were harsh and always caked the ground in frozen water. Living in New York City was not a step up by much but it was admittedly better. At least when it came to the weather.

 

They both seated themselves in Mike’s Jaguar. The engine purred to life within seconds and they were off. Streetlights rolled past the window in a dizzying blur of reds and greens. They sped through the outskirts of the downtown area and in less than twenty minutes they arrived at an unsuspecting house just outside a residential housing tract. Erwin never would have guessed it was the sight of a raving party had he not already known. Besides the dozens of fifty thousand dollar cars that all sat parked in the massive driveway of course.

 

Only a few lights could be seen on from the street. It was a simple residential home, which was surprising considering all the people in attendance were prosperous models and go-getters who had more money than they know what to do with. He was honestly expecting a flashy nightclub or sultry pub in the heart of downtown. He preferred this already.

 

“It was Gunther’s bright idea to hold it at a friend’s house. If the place gets trashed, which I can bet you it will, that man’s going to have some tricky explaining to do. Some of the people who are here don’t exactly know how to hold their alcohol.” Mike chuckled. For some reason the thought of drinking had never crossed his mind. Now it made sense. Drink the night away and forget how lonely he really was.

 

Well played Mike.

 

The two walked up the driveway to the wrap around porch. As they approached music and shouting could be heard from behind the closed door. Not angry shouting, the drunken kind that was extremely amusing to those who were sober. Mike rang the doorbell several times until a stumbling figure swung back the door.

 

“Hey! If isn’t my two favorite sexy beasts! We decided to get the party started like an hour ago so make yourself at home!” Gunther’s speech was heavily slurred. They nodded and made their way inside.

 

It definitely looked like the party had started over an hour ago. The floor of a central large room was covered in wrappers and cigarettes with splotches of spilled beer dotting the carpet. Beer cans and shot glasses littered the counters in kitchen and the several coffee tables that dotted the room. The smell was vile; hints of various drugs lingered in the air as well the distinct smell of cigarette smoke. It was crowded and stuffy. People sat where they could, on couches, tables, and even the floor but most stood. Some danced together, grinding in a seductive way. The bass of the music was pulsing loudly throughout the house, shaking Erwin to the core. There was food at on a counter in the kitchen but it remained untouched. No one ever ate anyways.

 

He was surrounded by trash. Complete garbage. Mike had disappeared into the throng of people with a short, “I’ll be right back.”

 

Erwin closed the door and stayed there, taking in the ridiculous scene before him. He tried to pick out a few familiar faces. Indeed most of the people Mike had promised where here. He saw Nile and Ian talking with Rico and Rene. They definitely looked a little more than tipsy. Just then Nile looked up, making eyes contact with Erwin. He broke into an intoxicated grin.

 

“Hey Erwin’s here! Come on man don’t be shy!” He called over the music. Erwin made his way over to them, bumping into several people and apologizing futilely. One woman even when so far as to take his hand and start dancing on him. He tried his best to politely decline and walk away without yanking his hand away.

 

“Took you long enough buddy!” Nile slung an arm around his shoulder. Erwin could smell the alcohol hanging on his breath.

 

“Well there are quite a few people here. I can hardly see my own feet.” The four around him burst into laughter. Erwin really did not know what was so funny. Nile pulled his arm back to hold his stomach and Rico put a hand on Erwin’s shoulder to steady herself.

 

“Wow you’re too much Captain Handsome Eyebrows.” She said. The other three simultaneously erupted into a chorus of ‘Ohhhh!’ Rico smiled knowingly.

 

“Get some!” Ian said loudly. Erwin visibly tensed. This conversation had escalated very quickly. He needed to go, like now. Just then Mike emerged from the crowd of strangers, two drinks in hand with Nanaba in tow. Erwin had never been so happy to see him. It appeared everyone else thought the same.

 

“Mike, Nanaba! How’ve you been?”

 

“Mike my man! Nanaba!”

 

“Hiya Mike, Nanaba.” Everyone greeted the two newcomers enthusiastically. Mike smiled and responded politely as did Nanaba. He handed Erwin one of the plastic red cups. Its contents sloshed around uneasily. Everyone was quickly engaged in mindless chatter but Mike, being the good and faithful friend he was, studied Erwin briefly then motioned for him to follow. Erwin complied and they made their way to back of the kitchen then out the open door onto the back of the wraparound porch.

 

The breeze was crisp and clean, relieving Erwin’s nose of the foul odor that permeated throughout the house. The back light was on, casting dark shadows all the way into the edge of the forest of tall trees that guarded the back of the property. Bugs hung languidly around said light. The stars twinkled dimly overhead and the moon shimmered palely in the dark of the night. Music poured out of the open door and into the air. It was shame how disruptive it was. It was a beautiful night.

 

Mike walked over to the white railing and leaned on it, his arm that held the drink propped up on the peeling wood. He made a face.

 

“It smells terrible in there.”

 

“That it does.” Erwin agreed.

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever smelt that much weed.” Mike’s nose scrunched up. Erwin nodded.

 

“As much as it really does bother me, that’s not why I asked you out here. Something’s bothering you. What is it?” Erwin shrugged.

 

“I suppose this just isn’t my ideal environment.” He said. His voice sounded clipped, even though it was the truth. Mike’s eyebrows knitted together. Shadows danced around his face, making him seem … menacing.

 

“Did I not invite you here to get you to loosen up? You were standing there like you had just been shocked with a tazer or something. Did something happen, I mean I was only gone for a few minutes.”

 

“I can take care of myself you know,” Erwin’s tone grew dangerous, “This isn’t exactly ‘my element’ if you will.”

 

Mike’s expression surprisingly relaxed some. “I know. But that’s why I asked if you wanted to come. You’ve been so on edge lately. I just wanted to you unwind a bit and slow down. Being a male supermodel isn’t easy. You know that.” He said.

 

“Male supermodel huh? So that’s what I am now. I don’t recall being labeled by any of the magazines as that.” Erwin could feel the tension drain out of him with those words. Mike was right. He was wound up, tight as a coil. Maybe he should just forget his troubles right now.

 

“Well you haven’t been paying close enough attention then. If my memory serves correct when you made the cover of GQ so long ago they claimed you to be ‘one of the youngest most promising male supermodels of the year’.” Mike grinned. Erwin was dumbfounded. Maybe he did need to pay more attention to what had been said about him. That was a large piece to be missing in the tangled puzzle he called his image.

 

“…”

 

“What I’m trying to say is, you’re amazing at what you do. But you need to give yourself a break. We both dislike most of the people in this house but if I can put on a brave face so can you. Have a drink. Flirt with someone. Hell, get laid!” Mike took a swig f his own drink just to drive the point home. Erwin felt his cheeks get slightly red from the last statement. That was not something he had planned on …

 

“Come on. Drink up. I’m not letting you go inside until you do.”

 

“Such a wonderful influence Mike.” Erwin lifted the cup up to chin level but did not drink.

 

“It’s what I’m here for buddy.” Mike said. His cheeks had already begun to flush from the alcohol. Wait, how much did he drink beforehand?

 

Erwin rolled his eyes subtlety and lifted the drink to his lips. It slid down his throat with ease although it had lost its fizz long ago. He did not really like the taste of beer. He had much more, dare he say, expensive tastes like wine. It just left a better taste in his mouth. Beer always tasted bitter and full of regret.

 

What was that about relaxing?

 

Oh right.

 

“Good boy. I’m going to head inside, don’t be a stranger.” And with that Mike disappeared once again into the chaos inside. Erwin remained where he was for a couple more minutes sipping his less than satisfying beer and looking out at the stars. He could have done it all night. But he did not.

 

He could feel dullness creeping over like a screen in mind. He lost track of how long he had been outside. Well at least the alcohol was working. He drifted back into the house, past the kitchen (not without refilling his cup), and into the center of the party. Somehow it felt as though something had changed. The music was still too loud, there were still obscene amounts of people, and it was still a mess but it did not bother him as much. Funny what a couple of drinks can do to someone in a matter of only a few minutes. Hell, it could have been a few hours and it would not have made much of a difference. Erwin could hold his alcohol better than most, almost as if he had not been drinking at all, but it still affected him like how it would anyone else. His movements were slower, his judgment most definitely impaired.

 

He found Mike after a few minutes of wandering through the masses. He was in the middle of a conversation with Gunther.

 

“You didn’t know?”

 

“No! I had no idea!”

 

“Well is it okay if they stay?” Mike asked. Gunther looked conflicted.

 

“Hm … I want to say no but I mean they are already here. Who picked them up?”

 

“I’m not sure. No one said anything about who they came in with. Two males and three females I guess. Whoever it was that brought them really scored.” Mike was undoubtly feeling his drink now. His words were slightly slurred and his cheeks were pink. Erwin was about to ask just who ‘they’ were but Eld beat him to it.

 

“Who exactly are ‘they’?”

 

“Ha … It seems as though someone picked up a few prostitutes.” Mike’s grin widened. Under any other circumstances Erwin would have walked right out the door at the mention of ‘prostitutes’ but the word flew over his head. It was unlikely he would run into any of them anyways.

 

“Oh I see. Well, that makes things a little more interesting,” Eld wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, “Care to point any out for a pal?” The others who stood around outside of the conversation erupted in laughter, including Erwin. He did not know why he laughed. It was just funny to him.

 

Mike pointed into random spots in the crowd but Erwin’s eyes did not follow. He scanned the premises, looking for a worthy dance partner. He felt like he needed to dance. Dance his troubles away. Most of the people seemed occupied so Erwin decided to scope out his options further. He pushed his way into the sweaty clumps of people, feeling the bass drop and vibrate through his chest and bounce round in his head. If he was not as drunk as was now he would most likely have had a headache. Strange, he did not even remember drinking that much.

 

Erwin had nearly crossed the room when he saw him. He sat perched on the couch, one leg crossed over the other, an arm behind the man next to him. He appeared to be engaged in a conversation with the stranger. Erwin was not sure what had made this man catch his eye.

 

His hair was cut in a messy undercut with strands of black jutting out in different directions from the top. His eyelids dropped heavily, so Erwin could not see the color of his eyes except for a flash of some dark unidentifiable pigment. What he could see were the dark circles that hung under his eyes. Along with the way his eyebrows were pulled into a tight scowl and the thin line of eyeliner he wore his face was very shaded. The lack of proper lighting did not help either.

 

What Erwin could clearly see was that the man’s chest was exposed, his abs prominently outlined by hard muscle. His vest sat lazily on one shoulder and looked like it had slipped off the other. His skinny jeans were tight and displayed several rather large tears that did not look like they had been made on accident.

 

The man fingered with the loose threads around the holes as he watched the person next to him talk. A dark tattoo ran all the way up his arm and partly onto his chest. It was hard to see yet even from this distance he could tell the design was very detailed. Whoever’s handiwork that was must have been incredibly talented …

 

Erwin forgot what he was trying to do. The man turned his head slowly to look at the crowd. Before Erwin could react their eyes connected. His breath lodged in his throat.

 

Stunning gray eyes peered back at him.

 

Erwin was at a loss. They stayed like that for a few more seconds, neither wanting to look away. Finally, someone stood in front of Erwin, blocking his line of sight. It took him a second to register that whatever connection they had had just been broken because by now he had a few more drinks than he should have. His thoughts were incoherent. All he could visualize were those eyes. He had a new favorite color.

 

Erwin had considered his sexuality many times before. A majority of the male models around them were gay so even if he was not straight there was no way he would not be looked down on. It was very common to see models getting closer than what is publicly acceptable. No one ever said anything anyways. That was just how it was. Hanji had asked Erwin several times if he had figured it out.

 

He would admit that sometimes he would find a passing girl extremely pretty and sometimes he would find a member of the same sex more attractive. Hanji had made him out to bisexual but Erwin still was not sure. It bothered him occasionally when he would think about. Teenagers in high school were figuring out this shit easier than he was. How was that fair?

 

What he did know now was that this man (a stranger he may be) was one of the most attractive people he had seen all night. Everyone here was attractive, they had to be they were models, but no one was in the dangerous and mysterious way that this man was. He had a darker aura about him, but Erwin found that as intoxicating as the alcohol he had downed.

 

He must be really drunk to be thinking stupid things like that about someone he had only made eye contact with. But even in this drunken state he realized what he wanted. He wanted more. Not just a fleeting glance from across the room. Not just a glimpse at those gray eyes. Erwin did not care anymore. He was already going to have a massive headache and mouth full of sour regret tomorrow. After all … Mike had said to get laid anyways.

 

Erwin picked up his feet made the short trek over to the couch. Of course, it would have been short if so many people had not bumped into him. When Erwin finally stood over the seated figure he was not sure what to say. The dark haired man’s eyes sluggishly turned to face his standing form. They trailed over him for a second and lingered a little longer than Erwin had anticipated. The man looked … stoned? Drunk off his rocker? Whatever it was Erwin did not care. He was not going to worry. He was going to loosen up. The man could always turn him down anyways.

 

“Would you care to dance?” He said. The words sounded too formal and stiff. Erwin cringed internally but much to his shock (and satisfaction) the smaller man nodded and stood up. Erwin regained himself quickly enough to lead him onto the dance floor that was really just the open space in living room.

 

Within a matter of minutes the two were dancing comfortably close in the mass of people. Erwin could not see Mike or Eld or Gunther, just the (surprisingly) smaller man who danced so effortlessly in front of him. They moved in sync, occasionally brushing past each other’s legs and touching hands. Erwin felt completely at ease. He was floating on cloud nine right now, not really caring about anything else going on outside of this little bubble he was in. 

He did not care he did not know anything about this beautiful man. All that mattered was that he was so close. He could feel the other’s body heat. It was warm, in more ways than one. As the song that played grew more sensual their movements became slower and more suggestive. The dark haired man’s touch lingered on his skin just a little longer. His breathing became heavier. The space between them felt like a wall he was not yet willing to break, as much as he wanted to.

 

Would he think Erwin was being too hasty? Would he push him away?

 

Dammit, he was worrying too much again.

 

Apparently the other man did not see it the way Erwin did. He snaked a hand around Erwin’s waist, breaking the invisible wall that had never even existed. He placed a hand on his shoulder, signaling him to duck slightly so he could whisper into his ear. Their bodies were flush against each other.

 

“Come with me.” He breathed hotly into his ear, causing Erwin to shudder with pleasure. He simply nodded, not trusting his drunken words.

 

The smaller man trailed his hand down Erwin’s arm then grabbed his hand and began pulling him in the direction of the stairs. They climbed up and away from the boisterous noise of the party. Erwin knew exactly where this was going and he did not mind one bit.


	2. Feeling the Heat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin gets serious. That's all there is to it.

The stranger wasted no time. 

 

As soon as Erwin closed the door to the bedroom he pinned him there, one hand barely above his shoulder and the other rested lower on the door. His movements were shaky and uncoordinated but he looked confident none the less. They stared at each other in silence for a minute. Erwin could see the hazy film over those gray eyes. His mind was foggy and his breath was coming out too shallow. Why was this man any different than anyone else he had gone this far with?

 

The shorter man leaned in closer, his lips caressed the skin just above Erwin’s collarbone. He rose onto the tip toes of his toes and stopped only an inch away from Erwin’s waiting lips. He seemed to gauge the other man’s reaction. 

 

A spark of coherence flashed in the man’s eyes but it was quickly replaced by an out-of-focus smirk. It was surprisingly hard to tell just what was going through the other man’s mind. He bent his highest placed arm comfortably around Erwin’s neck and pulled him down, connecting their lips in a clumsy manner.

 

Erwin felt the heat rush to his face at the contact. It took him several moments to comprehend how quickly his man moved due to them both being in an intoxicated state of mind. He did; however, regain himself and upon doing so he returned the kiss with a force he did not know he possessed. The stranger appeared to be taken back by the sudden action. He paused stiffly but their mouths were still connected. Erwin tried to pull away and apologize for startling him but the male kept him in place with the arm he had around his neck. He resumed the kiss with the same force Erwin had. Erwin took a small step back, his back pressed firmly against the door.

 

Erwin wrapped his arms tightly around the other’s waist and pulled the smaller man as close as he could. His hands roamed underneath grey eyed man’s vest, tracing the lines of the man’s spine. He felt the other shiver under the touch.

 

“I don’t even know your name. I’m Erwin.” Erwin muttered in between breaths of hot air. His head was spinning. His heart felt as though it was beating a mile a minute.

 

“Levi.” The other stated simply. Levi. For some reason the name suited him.

 

Erwin smiled through their drunken kisses. It was pleasing to know this man’s name but he did not know why. Maybe it was because he was drunk. Maybe it was because it was a cute name. His mind was too occupied to give it the time of day anyways. Well, more like the time of night.

 

Levi bit suggestively at Erwin’s bottom lip. Erwin obliged and opened his mouth allowing Levi’s tongue explore. The model was slightly jealous of how easily this man had gotten him like this: turned on and confused. He had never felt this way before. Levi seemed to know just what to do and when to do it. It made Erwin feel like an awkward teenager again, inexperienced and inept.

 

He would have none of it. It was Erwin who was letting go. Screw it if he felt the burn for it afterwards. Erwin pulled Levi’s body flush with his as their lips continued to move in sync. Erwin could taste the alcohol mingling in both of their breath.

 

Levi’s abruptly pulled away although kept the space between them close. Erwin looked at him, confused and slightly disheartened. Had he done something wrong?

 

The shorter man suddenly let out a rusty, rather creepy laugh. Erwin stared at him, an eyebrow raised. This was a bit strange. Just as quickly as the man had pulled away, he grabbed Erwin’s arm and started pulling him towards the … bed? 

 

Oh. Yes of course. It made sense now.

 

Erwin was surprised at how strong Levi’s grip was. Within a matter of seconds Levi was straddling him on the clean sheets, Erwin’s arms pinned just above his head. The man’s actions were rough with intoxication. Erwin managed a chuckle that was quickly silenced when Levi resumed their kiss. It was hungrier this time, more passionate and forceful. Their lips hardly parted except to suck in a short breath.

 

Levi released his arms and tangled his fingers into Erwin’s blond tresses. Erwin traced his fingers over every inch of Levi’s exposed skin. Levi had taken control. Now it was Erwin’s turn.

 

Subtly he tugged at Levi’s jean vest hoping the man would get the hint. If he was not so drunk he might have been able to get the message across better but Levi understood none the less. In fact, he understood enough to return the favor. Shirts both discarded, Erwin propped himself up onto his elbows just enough gain the upper hand. With a hand on the other’s waist he swiftly rolled over so that he was now the one on top.

 

Erwin leaned down (yes the man that much shorter) to brush his lips over Levi’s neck. He bit and sucked on the pale skin, leaving a blooming trail of pink that would eventually turn to red and purple. He continued this as he moved to the man’s collarbone, his chest, his stomach.

 

Funny … he never imagined he would be the one to make bruises like this. Had he been in a better state of mind he would have thought twice about it, but once again, he did not care. His tongue left a wet trail across the other man’s skin. A soft moan escaped the shorter man’s lips. Erwin kissed his open lips, his tongue slid in the open space in between. Levi leaned into the kiss having clearly missed the sensation.

 

Erwin did not know what it was about this stranger that made him feel this way. He was enchanting in a brute sort of way. The darkness that surrounded his eyes, the scowl that had melted away, the way his hands were rough but still soft … he even had a sense of thrilling danger hanging around him. Was that why Erwin had been so drawn to him? Was he that desperate for a change in routine? Wait a second … For God sake’s he did not even know what this man did for a living! Was he another model? A psychopathic killer? The possibilities were endless …

 

The thoughts were drowned out of his mind as Levi’s hands found their way into the gap between Erwin’s thighs. Erwin’s cheeks would have been red had he not already been drunk. Levi’s fingers moved skillfully to undo the button and zipper of his pants. The man was about to tug off his jeans when Erwin went rigid, his back stiff, and their lips locked yet unmoving.

 

Suddenly his mind was coherent and sharp. He was aware of every muscle that twitched, every breath he took. Dear god what was he doing? Taking a risk? Where the hell would that get him?! Every possible outcome played itself across Erwin’s mind in an overwhelming manner. This was a bad idea. Too many bad things could happen. The ability to see fore coming events was something Erwin had always possessed. Erwin was disgusted with himself. Why had he not thought of this before? This was so unlike him.

 

The whole situation was embarrassing really … and Levi. What would Levi think?! This was stupid, so so stupid. How had he let Mike talk him into this?

 

Erwin sat up quickly, nearly falling off the foot of the bed in the process. Ok, now this was defiantly déjà vu back to his teenage years. Levi looked absolutely stunned. His eyes were cloudy and stoned but his face displayed his shock. Erwin cursed himself. Dark bruises were already painted across the man’s neck and chest. His hair was in disarray, the dark strands stuck out at odd angles. Erwin was about to say something when a dark look passed over Levi’s features. He looked furious. Furious and menacing.

 

“I – I … I need to go.” Erwin stuttered before anything else could be said. He scrambled to his feet, zipped up his pants, and grabbed his shirt all without a single glance back at the dumbfounded man with the striking gray eyes.

 

He put his shirt on as he descended down the stairs. The party still raved on with the music just as loud and energy just as high. Erwin scanned to room to try and find Mike, but it was to no avail. He had to go. And he had to go now.

 

He fished around in his pocket for his phone. “Oh shit.” He thought. It must have fallen out upstairs. Now he really had to find Mike. He would have to have his phone service canceled or something. He could not go back up there and embarrass himself any more than he already had. How many times had like this happened throughout his high school years? This was not supposed to be happening as an adult. He was supposed to be more mature than this.

 

He looked over to the couches where he had first seen Levi. He did not see anyone he recognized but he did make brief eye contact with a rather young looking man. He had short dark brown hair and held the butt of a cigarette in between his teeth. He was attractive to say the least and he looked like he belonged but Erwin did not know what held their gazes together for that fleeting moment. It was unnerving.

 

Erwin continued to scan the crowd. Mike would have to show up eventually. Unless he had left. Although he was under the influence that never had stopped Mike in the past. The man was lucky he was not dead yet. Erwin spotted a taller sandy blond head standing just a little taller than the crowd. He had always teased Mike about being a little taller than their modelling acquaintances and now he hoped that extra height would come in handy. As he made his way through the overwhelming (now extremely uncomfortable) mass of people just to his luck found the exact person he was looking for.

 

“Hey Erwin! I was wondering where you went! Wow you kinda look like a mess. Did you actually take my advice and get laid?” Mike wiggled his eyebrows playfully. Erwin would have none of it.

 

“Where is your phone?” He said.

 

“My phone?” Mike raised an eyebrow.

 

“Yes! Your phone. I need it. Preferably now.” Erwin’s words were short, like his patience. 

 

Mike sensed this, and seeing that his friend usually was more collected than this he fingered around in his pockets until he found his Samsung. Erwin took it and quickly dialed the numbers he knew so well, not really caring he was still in the middle of the party.

 

“… … …”

 

“Hello?” Hanji said after a couple seconds of painstaking ringing.

 

“Hanji it’s Erwin.” He said hurriedly.

 

“Hey Erwin! I was just about to head over. You know how it is at the studio, I did tell you I was going to be late right?”

 

“Yes you did. But Hanji, I need your help.” His tone was as serious as he could make it, being that he was still drunk.

 

Hanji was silent for a second. “Yeah, what’s up?”

 

“I’ll explain more when you get here. Let’s just say I almost made an ugly mistake.”

 

“…”

 

“Hanji?”

 

“I’ll be there in ten. Wait for me outside.”

 

…

 

“So what’s this? Mr. Perfect Smith almost made an ugly mistake?” Hanji asked once they were seated in the warmth of her car. 

 

Erwin simply stared out the cold window. The heat of the car clashed with the coolness of the glass and formed a misty sheet along its edges. He replayed what had happened over and over again in his mind. The moment he laid eyes on Levi, the way they had danced, what had happened in the bedroom …

 

“I met someone.” He stated simply. Hanji raised a fine eyebrow.

 

“And …?”

 

Erwin sighed. “I was hoping that would be enough.”

 

Realization was slow to set in with Hanji, but it always made its way in eventually. “Ohhhh.” She murmured over the blasting of the heater.

 

“Did you at least get their name?”

 

Erwin nodded. “Levi.”

 

Hanji hummed to herself in response. Erwin looked at her face quickly. She looked deep in thought, a rare sight indeed.

 

“Did you two …?” She trailed.

 

“No, but we almost did. I was being careless, stupid if you will. I should never have come. It was completely my fault. I was being irresponsible and now Levi has to suffer for my lack of decency.” His head throbbed from the alcohol. This was going to be one of his worst hangovers for sure.

 

“Suffer? What did you do to him?” Hanji asked, genuinely curious about this man who had made her friend so disheveled and defeated. And if he really meant suffered, what had this man done that had turned Erwin into a completely different person Hanji had no idea existed.

 

“I didn’t hurt him. Maybe just his pride.” Erwin’s face remained lifeless. It was starting to make Hanji uncomfortable.

 

“Erwin I need you to talk to me. I’m here for you.” Hanji said reassuringly. 

 

It was just like high school and it was embarrassing. He had his share of times like this, although it was always with Mike. The two had gotten into trouble similar to this in their last few years of high school. Sometimes it was Erwin, sometimes it was Mike. Either way the other would usually come and bail them out. Erwin wanted nothing more than to be done with those days. He practically already owed Mike his life.

 

“I know.” Erwin turned and gave Hanji his best fake smile. 

 

The brunette did not look convinced but did not press any further. They rode in silence for about a half an hour until Erwin noticed they were not going to his flat. He looked at Hanji who had her eyes (thankfully) glued to the rode.

 

“Where are we going?” His voice was hoarse.

 

“My place.” Hanji said.

 

Erwin looked comically skeptical. His composure was clearly fading. “Why?”

 

“Because you’re not going back home alone in the state that you’re in. I don’t even want to imagine what damage you might do to yourself. Look at you, you can hardly keep your eyes open!” Well she was right. 

 

Great. Now he owed her. Hanji was not the type of person to forget something like this either.

 

“Thank you Hanji. I’m indebted to you.” He whispered. He stared at his wrists. They were dusted with dark splotches of purple. Holy crap, Levi was a lot strong than he thought.

 

“Anything for a friend,” Her tone was serious, then suddenly her mouth spread into a wide grin, “Although it would have been nice to meet this ‘Levi’ and maybe have a little fun myself.”

 

They came to a full stop at a red light and Erwin awkwardly punched Hanji’s arm. He was never very good at being playful. Maybe that was why he and Levi had clicked so well. Levi did not seem the like the playful type either. Maybe he was more of a ‘straight to the point’ type of personality. “Yeah, sorry about that.”

 

“You’ll just have to make sure I come to the next crazy party you get invited to!”

 

“I’m not planning on going to any parties for a little while.”

 

“What? Aw come on!”

 

…

 

The next morning Erwin woke up on the (rather small) couch with an eyeful of brown hair and glasses. Hanji stood over him and held her phone in her hand.

 

“Morning sleeping beauty.” She said. 

 

Erwin’s eyes were heavy and his head was throbbing. The soft light that poured in through the curtains of Hanji’s apartment were like daggers to his eyes. Yup, defiantly one of his worst hangovers. Erwin groaned.

 

“What time is it?”

 

“About noon. I was starting to think you weren’t going to wake up.” Hanji said good-naturedly. Erwin gave her a look.

 

“Were you even going to check?”

 

“No. I mean it would have spared you that awful hangover if you really were dead.”

 

Erwin narrowed his eyes. “How did you …?”

 

“Erwin, you look like shit. Anyone could tell,” Hanji said, “But I woke you up for a different reason other than to tell you look like crap. This number’s been calling me all morning. I think it’s Mike. He said he needed to talk to you specifically to know you were alright.” Hanji held the phone out to him.

 

Erwin took it and looked at the number displayed by the ‘eleven missed calls’ bar. Yes, that was Mike alright.

 

“Yeah that’s him. Thank you Hanji I’ll call him back. Oh, you should save his number. It might come in handy sometime.” He clicked the call button. Hanji nodded and walked down the hall and disappeared into her bedroom.

 

“… …”

 

“Hello?” Mike picked up after only two rings, his voice laced thickly with worry.

 

“Glad to hear from you Mike.” Erwin smiled even though he knew Mike could not see.

 

He heard Mike breathe out quietly like he been holding his breath, “Oh thank God you’re alright. I didn’t know where you were. I thought maybe you tried to get back home on your own and got lost or mugged or something. Where are you now?”

 

“At Hanji’s place in SoHo –”

 

“I’ll be there in a half an hour.” Mike said coolly. Erwin was incredulous.

 

“Mike, how would you even know where to find –?”

 

“Did I stutter?” Mike hung up. 

 

Erwin sat there, not really sure what had just happened. There was no way Mike could find his way to Hanji’s. They had only interacted briefly at work from what Erwin had seen …

 

Surely enough about a half an hour later the doorbell rang, which jolted Erwin from his place on the couch where he had begun to doze off. He got up and half walked, half stumbled to the door. He looked through the peephole and there stood Mike, a half an hour had passed just as he promised. Erwin opened the door.

 

“Mike … how on Earth did you …?” Erwin stuttered. Mike’s face was serious.

 

“It smells like dog. Erwin we need to talk.” He stepped in and brushed past Erwin. Erwin followed him cautiously into Hanji’s living room.

 

“Where’s Hanji?”

 

“Right behind you. What do you mean ‘it smells like dog’?” Hanji stood just outside the hallway on the opposite side of her living room, her arms crossed across her chest defensively.

 

“Ah there she is. I needed to talk to Erwin. Is it ok if we use the balcony?” Mike said. 

 

Hanji looked at him dubiously. Surprisingly she nodded. Mike thanked her and led Erwin out onto the balcony. 

 

Today was a surprisingly nice day compared to that of yesterday. The midday sun was bright with mirth. Hanji’s plants grew in small pots, vines climbed up the stucco and intertwined themselves with each other. Cars passed on the street and the laughter of pedestrians far below them provided the right amount of background noise so they could comfortably speak to each other. The overall cheerfulness of the day was seriously contrasting with his rotten hangover. Mike cleared his throat. His eyes were rimmed with red and his hair was unkempt. His must have been an equally bad if not worse.

 

“I’m sorry Erwin.”

 

Erwin raised a thick eyebrow. “And for what might that be?”

 

“For being a shitty friend.” Now Erwin was intrigued. 

 

“I don’t understand.”

 

“That’s what I’m talking about! You always read the situation and I convinced you not to last night! Of all the years we’ve been friends we’ve both made some stupid mistakes, but I never wanted to be the reason you did. I don’t know what I was thinking basically commanding you to get drunk off your ass and forget everything you stand for. A friend doesn’t do that. At least not a good one.” Erwin had never seen Mike this upset.

 

“I don’t know what happened last night but I wasn’t there for you. You’re my best friend. I don’t know where I would be without you. I don’t want to make you regret something you never should have gotten into in the first place.” Mike said. His voice shook, but Erwin knew he would never let so much a one tear stroll down his cheek. Mike was not an emotional guy. This must really have bothered him.

 

“Mike, none of what happened last night was your fault. I did not have to drink anything but I did. I could have left. But I didn’t. I stayed. I drank. The choices I made aren’t your responsibility. We’ve been through situations like this before and we got out just fine. Hardly anything happened last night anyways.” Erwin decided to leave out a few details about a certain someone. After all in the end nothing had really happened. Erwin felt like he was overreacting now.

 

“It’s what could have happened. I just feel like a terrible friend you know?” Mike sighed.

 

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s just put it behind us ok?” Erwin placed a reassuring hand on the other’s shoulder. Mike sighed.

 

“Alright. Don’t let me be an ass again ok?”

 

Erwin chuckled, “Of course not.” The two looked out over the streets, taking in the wonderful view from Hanji’s apartment. They were in the heart of the city. This was the only place they had ever known as home. Living as models does that to one’s sense of placement. Erwin felt like he belonged in the city, but just so much that he did not to be a part of it. Too bad his profession did not allow that.

 

His thoughts wandered to a certain stoic faced man. Did Levi feel the way he did? What was it that he even felt? Normally Erwin would just brush off nights like last night, but this time was different. He was dwelling on it. He continued to think of a man he only knew the name of. Could it even be possible that Levi felt the same?

 

Just then a spark of realization hit him.

 

“Mike?”

 

Mike tore his gaze away from the bustling city below. “Hm?”

 

“Did you happen to see my phone last night? Anywhere?” Erwin asked. Mike shook his head.

 

“I was wondering why you weren’t answering. That was why I called the number you called last night. I knew they must have been pretty close if you had their number memorized. It makes sense now. Did you lose it? Don’t tell me you lost it at the party.”

 

Erwin groaned and buried his face in his hands. “Yes, I did.”

 

Mike sighed. “I can’t tell you what might have happened to it. There were so many people I wouldn’t even waste time trying to figure out where it might be.”

 

“I’ll just have to cancel the service then …” Erwin ran a hand through his hair. Mike stiffened next to him.

 

“Erwin. What are those?” Mike pointed to the now fully visible bruises that decorated his wrists. Erwin tried to act nonchalant. It was not very hard, he was always that way.

 

“People were pretty rough at that party. I’m not sure who it was.” He lied. Mike narrowed his eyes, obviously not buying it.

“When you feel like you can tell me I’ll be ready to listen.”

 

At those words Erwin’s stomach sank. Gray was all he could see. He felt terrible not telling Mike but what he had said was the true. Erwin had not even realized it himself but he was just not ready to come to terms with the fact that he felt something … more … for this stranger.

 

He needed to go home. He needed to sleep.

 

Running away from your problems never solved them. But was Erwin really running? He looked to the streets once again then back at Mike.

 

“I should head home and get some rest. You should too. God knows we both need it.” Erwin said. 

 

Mike nodded and they exited the balcony. Hanji was in the kitchen and the moment they reentered she began fixing something in the sink to make it look like she had most certainly not been eavesdropping. Erwin apologized for having caused an inconvenience and thanked her for her hospitality. Mike offered to take him home, an offer to which he gladly accepted.

 

They drove through the streets in silence. Both had said what they needed to. They had an interesting relationship like that. They could joke around and be silly but they also could be silent and still reach an understanding. Knowing someone for more years than you can count tends to have that effect on people.

 

Mike drove into Erwin’s driveway. Before Erwin exited he stopped and looked Mike dead in the eye.

 

“Don’t blame yourself. For anything.”

 

Mike nodded, a soft gleam in his eyes.

 

“His name’s Levi by the way.” Erwin closed the door of the Jaguar and made his way into his house without as much as a glance over his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, ok don't look at me like that. I know it's not the direction you might have thought it was going but I swear I don't do anything without a reason. Plus I also wanted Erwin and Mike to both have a conscience. Personally I would like to believe Erwin is a very respectable man.


	3. A Chance Encounter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is where it begins ...

The next couple of weeks passed by quickly.

Word of the various ‘publicly unacceptable’ events that had occurred at Gunther’s party had spread through the modelling world like wildfire. It was rumored to have been one of the best, and one of the worst, parties that had transpired that year. Erwin felt no pride for having been in attendance.

Several models had been fired. News of what they had done (which must have been pretty bad) managed to snake its way back to their employers and ultimately ended up costing the poor, misguided souls their one big shot in life. Most models Erwin met had not gone to college so it was hard to imagine what those ex-models could be doing to scrape by. 

Erwin was no exception to this. 

He had had no idea what he wanted to do. Several years ago he would have been open to the idea of being such a successful male model but now the idea was less than appealing. After all, if you take too big a piece of the cake it really does lose its sweetness.

Thankfully enough Mike was not sent to the chopping block. Turned out he was almost caught for trying weed (the idiot) but dodged the bullet through some sort of miracle of God.

So life continued. Erwin fell back into his usual routine; photo shoot, show, fitting, and the list goes on. He did not fell like anything had changed. Although he would occasionally he would see a familiar gray eyed face in the crowd. His heart would leap into his throat then plummet down again when he realized it was impossible for Levi to be anywhere near him. Oh how he wanted to meet the raven haired man again …

Neither Hanji nor Mike asked about Levi. Yes, it felt as though nothing had changed.

Almost.

On one particularly cool afternoon Hanji asked Erwin if he wanted to take a walk before they both had to leave for a Salvatore Cesarani show in Nolita. The sun had barely begun to make it descent across the sky’s blue canvas. A biting breeze ripped through their coats as they walked through the streets.

“I’m glad I’ve got a chance to talk with you.” Hanji’s voice was muffled, her scarf covered her face up to her nose.

“Well I wouldn’t say it’s the perfect weather to do so, but I’m glad to be able to talk to you too.” Erwin smiled, “But if I may, what’s this about?”

Hanji beamed at him. “Well, let’s just say I’ve been working with your manager,” This is starting off to no good, Erwin thought.

“And we’ve managed to pull a couple of really tight strings.” Hanji did not look like she was going to finish. Erwin stared at her. “Oh please can you at least try to look excited for one minute?!”

Erwin did his best and plastered a fake smile across his lips.

“It will do. Well, we got you a very special spot in a very special runway.” Hanji wiggled her eyebrows. Erwin was seriously lost with all of these half-finished sentences.

“And …?”

“And?! And what makes it special is that it’s in Hong Kong!” Hanji was practically jumping in place. Erwin’s jaw dropped and he stopped dead in his tracks. Hong Kong?! She had to be joking …

“You know it wasn’t easy. Your manager and I had to hire a translator, find all of your photographs, and reevaluate your portfolio; all of that nonsense. It was worth it though. They love your look and think you’ll fit perfectly into their show.” Hanji said. Erwin could hardly hear her. So many thoughts ran through his mind.

This was exactly what he had been asking for! Not in the ‘get drunk and screw around’ type of way he had previous experience with. This was a real opportunity! He could experience new cultures, improve his experience as a model, and branch out even further in the modeling community. Erwin could not have asked for a better chance.

On the other hand he would have to leave. Leave this city. Leave his only real friends. Mike was an understanding guy, there would be no way that he would harbor a grudge for him leaving, but was Erwin really ready to leave him? After everything they’ve been through?

Then a certain face flashed across his memory. How he almost forgotten about Levi? If he left he might never be able to meet the shorter man again.

“Hanji … I don’t know what to say.” The blond muttered, genuinely shocked. This was too much. The generosity Hanji had shown him over course of these past few weeks was overwhelming. Hanji just continued to smile.

“I figured you would. I can get stuff done if I really put my mind to it. Am I the best photographer/friend you’ve ever had or what?”

Erwin nodded mechanically. How …?

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before, but I mean isn’t this exciting?! I’m happy for you! You really deserve this. I know how much effort you put into your job so I thought I’d change things up for you so you would hopefully make it your career. You know a job’s only a job if you’re not enjoying yourself. I learned that the hard way before I got into photography, so don’t be like me.” Hanji said. Erwin was still shocked. He suddenly wrapped his arms around Hanji which caught her by surprise.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” He whispered into her hair. Hanji was tense but she eventually relaxed and returned the hug.

“Anytime.” She said softly. 

Erwin released her and they continued walking side by side. He could hardly keep his thoughts steady. Too many scenarios played in his head, both bad and good. Saying painful goodbyes to Mike and Hanji. Exploring a new land and meeting new people. Being successful enough in Hong Kong to travel elsewhere in the world. Never being able to learn more about Levi …

“I’ll give you more of the details later. We should head over to your show right now.” Hanji said as they walked, their legs moved in sync.

“Yes. We wouldn’t want to be late.”

…

That night passed by in a flash.

The show was quick, or so it seemed. He walked, exactly the way he always did. The crowd cheered, exactly the way they always did. He went home and felt as though he was on cloud nine.

Only to be knocked back to ground level the next morning.

The day started out fine. He performed his usual morning routine. The day did not feel like anything special. It was only a Wednesday after all.

The morning faded into the afternoon and the afternoon melted into the evening. It was one of those lazy days, the kind where you feel like crap for no particular reason and don’t want to do anything.

Erwin never liked that feeling.

After about a half an hour of debating with himself Erwin decided it was time to go out for a jog. He only did occasionally, but it was necessary to maintain the masculine figure modelling agencies found so precious. It was not that he did not like exercise, he really did.

Erwin did not feel like running his usual route so he decided to Google a scenic park that could suffice for his run. Funny, he had lived in New York for about three years, yet he still had no idea where anything was located. That was one of the downsides people never guessed he faced as a model. He only went where he had to. Admittedly if he had a broader social circle he might have been able to see more of the city. Sadly he did not. Having obscene amounts of people to keep up with was a burden he did not want to carry anyways.

With the street names memorized of a random park (that was not Central Park) he set out to find his destination. A change in scenery was good. Erwin did not allow himself such a thing very often. He got in his car and drove around for about an hour until he finally found the green park. It was farther than he had anticipated.

Erwin had never been recognized during any of his runs in the past therefore he felt no need to dress up in his usual guise. He put his ear buds in his ears and started his run around the park. It was warmer than the previous day, even with the setting sun. Birds chirped in the canopy of green above him. The park itself was quiet. Only a few people wandered about. No children played on the playground on the opposite end of the park. It was comforting in a weird way for Erwin. There were little distractions to muddle with his thoughts.

His mind wandered down a thousand different roads. Hong Kong was the one most prevalent. He was excited to have been presented with such a valuable opportunity, but something harbored beneath the surface of that excitement. He could not tell what it was and that bothered him.

After about an hour of running Erwin decided it was best to call it a night. The sun had almost finished its descent to end yet another day. The dying rays masked the surroundings with an orange curtain. The limited streetlights began to flicker on lazily. Erwin made his way back to his car. In the fading light his car almost looked … too fancy? It surely looked out of place in this unfamiliar neighborhood. Erwin glanced over his shoulder to the streets behind the park. They had grown shadowy; light pooled in small circles on the pavement. He could have sworn he saw something move in the shadows.

Now he was being paranoid.

Still, better to be safe than sorry. Erwin hastily made his way back into his car. Where was he? Had he even checked where the park was located? Erwin shuffled around to find his phone and typed in the address when he found it.

Holy shit.

He was in Hunt’s Point.

How had he not noticed?! Was he really so distracted that he had failed to pay attention to where the park was located? Sure he had memorized the street names but how somehow he managed to overlook what part of town it was located in? At least that explained the lack of people ... and why his car looked so out of place …

Erwin, rather panicked, dropped his phone and shoved the key into the ignition. The car purred to life and he pulled out of the parking lot as quickly as he could. He turned down the dark streets. Graffiti decorated the old walls of the long-standing brick buildings. Neon lights flickered outside of various shops, casting green and pink streams of light that flooded the streets.

The further he drove the more people he saw emerge from the darkness. Men and women alike stood leisurely under the street lights. They all had a particular look about them. They all appeared to be … stoned? Just plain out of it? Who were these people?

Erwin stopped at a stop light and examined the area outside of him. This was not the way back home. He had seen that run down coffee shop at least twice now.

Great.

He was lost.

Well, there goes the last time Erwin would ever change up his workout routine.

Why did it seem like every time he wanted to try something new it always had a way of coming back and biting him on the butt? First Levi, now this? What was next? Hong Kong would slip under the ocean in a massive hurricane just as he got there? Ok maybe that was a bit exaggerated but that was certainly how it felt. Now he was lost. Screw taking risks. All it had ever done was get him into some deep shit.

Erwin decided it would be for the best if he pulled over and asked for directions. Odds were very slim that one of the shops that lined this particular avenue had a map of the city. It was not the wisest choice but it was his only option. He had to get back home somehow.

Erwin pulled his spare T-shirt on and got out of the car. The group of people closest to him were leaning around a street pole just outside the coffee shop on the other side of the street. They were smoking and talking in hushed voices. Erwin put on his bravest (most stoic) face and walked into uncertainty. As he approached the group their already quiet whispers silenced as some turned to look at Erwin.

What took Erwin back the most was what they wore. Some simply wore a sweater and short shorts but others were more … showy. One woman solely wore a bra under her jean jacket and shorts. A man sitting relaxed on the sidewalk did not even have a shirt. It did not take a genius to understand who these people were. That was not going to deter him. They were still human beings after all.

Erwin did not falter. He picked out a shorter, dark haired man that had his back turned to Erwin. Just ask for directions to Tribeca. Simple as that.

“Excuse me? May I ask you a question?” He placed a hand on the man’s shoulder to make sure he had his attention. The dark haired man spin around. Erwin’s jaw went slack, his eyes widened.

Gray eyes mirrored his shock.

Levi.

Neither of the two men said a word. Suddenly the atmosphere was thick and not just with cigarette smoke. Levi blinked. Erwin stared.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Levi hissed. He looked like he could have torn a bullet in half. 

Erwin was stunned out of words. How was this even possible? He was supposed to put all those thoughts about that night far away. Levi was supposed to never have come into his life. It was just an ugly mistake. All of the emotions he had that night came flooding back to him with more force than a hurricane. Confusion, unrest, lust …

If it was just an ugly mistake then why did he feel this way now?

“Levi … I didn’t …” Erwin stuttered. A woman with red hair whistled behind him.

“Damn Levi, I wish I was as lucky as you. I never get such handsome customers.” She said as she took a drag. Levi whipped around sharply.

“Shut up Isabel. He is not my customer.” The shorter man seethed. The woman, Isabel, made a pout face then her eyes lit up.

“Does that mean I can have him?” She said.

“Oi Isabel. Levi’s right, shut up.” A light haired man standing next to her muttered. Levi turned his anger to Erwin again.

“I was hoping I’d seen the last of you. You bastard. Get lost.” Levi stepped towards him in a threatening manner. His cigarette flickered in between his fingers. Erwin was not amused in the slightest.

“You see, that happens to be the reason I’m here.” The blond looked down at Levi, “I was hoping you could tell me how to get to Tribeca from here. Although I’ve decided getting back can wait for a little bit.” No, Erwin was not going to let Levi push him away. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to ask.

“Oh? How fucking pathetic. Lost? I would ask how but I don’t really care.” Levi’s tone said differently.

“We got off on the wrong foot okay. I would like to apologize to you properly.” Erwin managed a smile. Levi narrowed his eyes defensively, not able to see where Erwin was going with this. Aware of the eyes on both of them Erwin stepped closer and whispered:

“I would like to buy you coffee. So we can talk about what happened. I’d apologize but I believe actions speak louder than words.” It was a last minute plan that most likely would not even work but hey, he needed to have more time with this stranger. He did not know why he felt so draw to this man or why he wanted to know more about him.

Levi took a step back, his eyes glowing. “You would know all too well wouldn’t you?”

Erwin sighed and stepped back himself. “Yes. Your right. I suppose that’s why I would like to make it up to you somehow. Even if it’s just with something as small as a coffee.”

Levi chuckled darky. “If you think that you can just waltz on down here and sweet talk me like that then you’ve got more balls than I thought.” Erwin frowned.

“Are you talking about that –”

“You know exactly what I’m talking about!” The dark haired man fumed.

“I’ll take that as a no then.”

Levi buried his face in his palms, his cigarette still polluting the air as it burned. “Will you leave me alone if I go with you?”

Erwin was genuinely surprised. Did he just agree? Indirectly of course, but did he agree?

“Yes. I’m a man of my word.” Erwin said.

Levi made a face at this. He then turned, whispered something into the light haired man’s ear, and then made his way into the trashy looking shop. The rest of his group made their way across the street and disappeared into the darkness of the alleyways.

Erwin followed behind Levi and let him pick their seats. Not like it was crowded anyways. The shop was empty accept for a bearded, dark skinned man behind the front counter. He said nothing upon their entry. The shop was nicer on the inside but not by much. Paint peeled from the old walls and there was an unpleasant rotting coffee bean smell that permeated throughout the establishment. The lights flickered occasionally though not enough to be bothersome. Levi sat himself down at a booth, his back to the windows.

The man from behind the counter approached their booth with a pad in hand.

“What do ya want?” He asked, rather bored.

Levi looked at Erwin, then to their server. “This kind gentleman here said he was going to buy me a coffee.” His words dripped with sarcasm.

“Will that be all?”

“Yes, pleasant as always Shadis.” Levi’s tone was still sarcastic. 

Shadis grunted and disappeared into the back. Erwin watched Levi the whole time. He was undeniably stoned. Or drunk. Either way his movements were slow and his speech was disjointed. His eyes were glazed over just like how they had been that night at the party.

He was wearing clothing similar to that night as well. He wore a black vest, and only a vest, along with ripped black skinny jeans. His tattoo was clearly visible, with all the same detail and magnificence he had seen the first time. He had all sorts of necklaces on, as well a nose ring and several earrings up and down his ears. He looked different, yet exactly the same.

“Have you had a good enough look?” Levi rested his arm on the table. 

He leaned his head on his fist. Erwin cleared his throat. How had he gotten here with this beautiful man? Several hours ago he never would have considered it as a possibility.

“Forgive me for staring. Your tattoo is stunning.”

Levi looked at his shoulder then back to Erwin. “It was a mistake.”

“Oh?”

“I don’t need to explain myself to you.”

Erwin sighed. This was going nowhere fast. “May I ask why you are being so … hostile?”

Levi’s face did not shift even a fraction. “Well let me see. You singled me out of the crowd at a crazy party, danced with me, made me think you wanted it, and then pussied out at the last second and made me feel like a complete and utter dumbass. On top of it all you showed up out of the middle of nowhere just when I was starting to forget about it and took me away from my work.”

“I’m sorry for that. I wasn’t thinking. I … I’m better than how I acted that night. It was a stupid decision to go in the first place. I don’t want you to feel like you did something wrong. Because you didn’t. It was me. I realized just before I was about to take advantage of you that it was wrong.” Erwin’s tone was serious. Whenever he meant business it turned that way.

“… Well that’s one hell of an apology,” The dark haired man was careful not to let any trace of emotion slip onto his face, “I have to admit I’m surprised. You actually have some decency. Anyone I’ve ever gone down that road with always told me I was a good fuck and left.”

Erwin smiled at the compliment. Then Levi’s earlier words set in.

“Um, when you say I’m keeping you from your work …?” Erwin trailed. Levi sighed.

“I’m pretty sure you can take a wild guess.”

“I didn’t want to offend.”

“Offend from what? I’m a fucking prostitute. There is only one way to really offend me.”

“And that might be …?”

“What the fuck makes you think I’m going to tell you that?”

“Sorry to intrude.” Erwin was just glad Levi had not gotten up and left yet. 

Maybe this was what making progress felt like. Shadis returned with Levi’s coffee and Erwin paid him on the spot. It was easier that way. An awkward silence settled over the two for several minutes as Levi sipped his drink.

Erwin had to admit he was shocked to know for sure Levi was a prostitute. Now he that he knew he felt like things made a little more sense. Levi had clearly been one of the prostitutes Mike and the other’s had been talking about at the party. How Erwin failed to recognize that himself was beyond him. Maybe it had been the alcohol.

Questions still bounced around in Erwin’s head. They were more personal, like how did Levi get this way? How did he feel towards Erwin because of that night? Clearly he resented him for what had almost happened. But did he feel anything like how Erwin did? Erwin was not even sure what that was, all he knew was that he wanted to see Levi again, and here he was right in front of him. He might as well start talking.

“Levi … this may sound weird, but did you actually … feel anything? That night when we first met.”

Levi stopped mid-sip. He lowered the cup slowly, his eyes trained on Erwin the whole time. “What do you mean by that?”

“I mean did you feel what I did?” Oh God, he sounded like a love-struck teenager. Wait love-struck?

“I don’t know.” The shorter stated simply. 

Erwin’s heart rate picked up. Wait hold on. This was a prostitute he was talking to. Had he confessed he had feelings for a prostitute? Was it even possibly for Levi to feel anything like this back?

“I don’t know what it was. I don’t know what it is. I just want to know more about you. I’ve never been so entranced by anyone before. I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened, how I wanted to apologize to you.” The words were coming out faster than he could think them. Oh on, he was being too direct. He expected Levi to get up and walk out or pour the rest of his coffee on Erwin’s head.

“Oh my God.” Levi chuckled. Erwin raised an eyebrow.

“Are you stupid or something?” His tone was accusing.

“I’ve never been called that before,” Erwin smiled slyly, “I’ve been called a genius.”

Levi’s jaw dropped. “You narcissistic asshole.”

Erwin laughed. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding.”

Levi’s gaze returned to its icy façade. “But really though. You must have a few screws lose under that blond hair of yours. Are you trying to tell me you want to have a relationship?”

Well that was not what he had been thinking originally (had he even been thinking?) but sure enough that was what it sounded like. He knew he had some … rather disreputable feelings for the man. It was strange to think about how only several weeks ago he thought he had not felt anything more than naked lust for this handsome man.

Erwin nodded. Levi’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch. Then he laughed. It was unnerving and creepy, yet captivating.

“Ha! Wow you’re too much! Just too much!” Levi slammed his fist down hard on the table with laughter. After a couple seconds he stopped and whispered barely audible, “Who in their right mind would actually want to be with a piece of shit prostitute like me?”

Erwin was at a loss himself. The words had come out too recklessly, too direct. How had he let his feelings control him? Whenever he was with Levi all logic he had seemed to escape him.

“Because I have a feeling there is more to you than what you make of yourself.”

Levi looked at him through his dark bangs. Something glimmered in his eyes. It was not hate or anger. The man was silent for an unsettling amount of time.

Erwin tried to avoid looking at him. He seemed to be working something out in his mind. He had suddenly become even harder to read as not even a hint of anger or surprise was betrayed on his face. 

Erwin looked past their booth and out into the black streets. Underneath the street light directly across from the shop a young man stood underneath the puddle of light. He looked familiar. He had short, scruffy brown hair and a mischievous glint in his greenish-blue eyes. It took Erwin a moment to remember. He had seen this man at the party! Was he another prostitute?

“You don’t know what you’re about to get yourself into.” Levi whispered. Erwin torn his gaze from the man outside.

“I don’t understand your meaning.”

Levi finally looked up and met his eyes with a burning glare. “No you don’t. You see, I have someone watching over me that won’t take very kindly to you.”

“Do you mean like …?” Erwin turned his head up to indicate someone above.

“No you dipshit. If anyone was taking the time to watch over up there they’ve done a really shitty job at it,” He snarled, “They’re all too disappointed in me anyways.”

Erwin was slightly taken back by this. This man had so much self-doubt. What else could he be hiding? “Then are they like an older brother …?”

“You really are stupid. Do I fucking look like I have any siblings?”

“No. I’m completely lost.” His usual perceptive abilities had escaped him somehow. What could he possibly mean by ‘someone watching over him’?

“Let’s just say he’s an insane son of a bitch that doesn’t take kindly to … distractions.” Levi said. No, Erwin was not going to let a mere threat like that discourage him.

“Then I’ll try my hardest to get on his good side.” Erwin stated confidently.

“He doesn’t have a good side. Why the hell are you being so persistent?”

“It’s a part of my nature I guess. All I know is that even if you don’t have any feelings for me I still want to see you again.” That much was the truth.

“…” Stone gray eyes lingered over him. Erwin held his ground, his resolve still standing.

Levi sighed. “So I guess leaving me alone is out of the question. I thought you said you were a man of your word.”

Erwin shrugged. “Whenever I’m around you I get confused.”

Silence blanketed them again. Levi finished his coffee, got up to throw it away, and returned to stand by the table. He looked at the blond for a moment, then dug his hand into his pocket. He pulled out a familiar looking object.

“The next time you decide you really want to screw someone, at least take your phone when you walk out on them.” Levi deadpanned. 

Ouch, that stung more than he thought it would. Had he really kept it this whole time? It had almost been month since the party. Erwin took the phone and looked at the screen. Had he not cancelled the service? He distinctly remembered doing so.

“Thank you.” He said softly. Levi made a noise that sounded like a snort and walked out of the coffee shop without another word. Erwin stayed seated.

Did that really just happen? Did he really just see the one person he thought he would never see again, especially with fate of Hong Kong looming just over the horizon? Things had changed to quickly. He did not know how he would keep up.

He stood up and made his way outside. When he stepped out onto the pavement he was met with a warm breeze. He felt as though he was being watched so he examined his surroundings. No one in to the left, no one to the right. He looked across the street.

The man stood in the exact same place as he had before. He had is arms poised across his chest as he leaned against the pole watching Erwin’s every move. There was no doubt in Erwin’s mind that he was the same man he had seen at the party. The real question was what was he doing here?

Erwin searched his pocket for the keys, walked back over to his car, and got in. He sat there in silence for a moment as he leaned his head on the wheel. When he finally gathered his thoughts he looked at his phone. Nothing was out of the ordinary, it looked just as he had left it. He pressed on the power button. The screen illuminated his face as well as the rest of the car. He thumbed through the phone. He checked all of his messages. Nothing out of the ordinary. All of his files. Nothing stood out. His contacts. Wait, one particular number did not look familiar …

Levi - (811) 157-4988

Erwin smiled to himself.

Maybe things were looking his way after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the comments, kudos and bookmarks~! Oh, I changed the way I formatted this chapter from double to single spacing. Double looks weird to me with the amount of dialogue.


	4. Alluring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin tries to get a certain man to open up. Key word 'tries'.

“YOU WHAT?!” Hanji nearly hit her head as she fell out of her chair.

“For the fifth time Hanji, I met Levi again.”

“I heard you the third time, BUT YOU WHAT?” She scrambled back to her perch on Erwin’s office chair. Her glasses were crooked and barely rested on her nose.

“You’re so loud.” Mike muttered in between a short drag of his cigarette. Hanji glared at him.

“And you’re going to die of lung cancer in four years.”

Mike flipped her a not so kind gesture with his middle finger. Erwin covered his face with his hands.

“To think I could have you two together in the same room for ten minutes …”

Hanji tore her eyes away from Mike who simply turned the page of one of Erwin’s modeling magazines. “Seriously though, you saw him again? I honestly thought you had forgotten about him. After I took you home you never said anything else about this mysterious man.” She wiggled her fingers for emphasis.

“I didn’t think too much about it,” That sure as hell was a lie, “I thought I would never see him again. You know how big this city is.”

“That it is my good friend. What are the odds?”

She was right. It must have been tied to fate. Not that Erwin believed in fate. He did, however, believe in luck. Yes it was trickier than fate but it usually left a greater reward. Sometimes more often than others.

It had been almost a week since Erwin had encountered Levi on the streets in Hunt’s Point. He thought about it repeatedly, not sure whether to call or leave a text. For a few nights Erwin tossed and turned simply staring at the number he still did not believe he had. He waited to tell both Mike and Hanji as well. He texted the two earlier that morning. Mike arrived first so he was the first to know. He was surprised but wished Erwin the best of luck in his endeavor with the man he never met. Hanji … well, she reacted as he thought she would. After all, she had been the one who had driven him home that night. She was the one who clearly saw the regret on his face as he stared insensibly out the car window. He still owed her big time.

Although there was one critical piece of information he had left out.

“I believe I failed to mention that Levi is a prostitute.”

Hanji made a grunting noise as she fell out of her chair again. Mike accidentally tore a page from the magazine he was reading.

“WHAT?!” They both shrieked simultaneously.

“A prostitute? Erwin that’s …” Mike trailed.

“ERWIN ARE YOU CRAZY?!” Hanji stumbled over to where Erwin sat on the couch. “If anyone finds out your reputation is ruined! Then what will you do? What about Hong Kong?! Do you care about your job?!”

An uncomfortable silence fell over the room.

“…”

“He must be something special.” Mike said breathlessly, looking strangely thoughtful. Hanji looked at him then back to Erwin.

More silence.

“Erwin … If you … If you really do like this man you can’t flaunt it. You two will need to be discreet,” Hanji said softly, “I’m not telling you to hide. I’m telling you to be aware.”

Not telling him to hide? It sure sounded like it.

“I don’t know what it is. From the moment I laid eyes on him, I felt like I needed to know him. I wanted to know him. He told me I was being stupid. And maybe I am.” The white carpet below his feet suddenly became more interesting.

They were not even together! What was all the fuss about? Sure, Erwin finally admitted to himself that he did have feelings for the man. All of the emotions he felt at the coffee shop were proof of that. Even the butterflies he felt now just thinking about seeing Levi again were clear evidence.

A male supermodel and a prostitute. The press would love to make a story out of that. So many misconceptions could arise, the public’s opinion of him would lower, companies would take notice …

Why couldn’t he just have feelings for someone? Why did that person’s job have to matter? Why did other people have to care? These questions among others rocked inside his head like the waves of a tsunami.

“Erwin look at me.” It was Mike. Erwin kept his eyes trained on the whiteness beneath his feet. “I know how much you hate what this career does to people. We’ve seen it. Hell, we’ve lived it. The problem is we don’t want you to do any of that nonsense to yourself. Your image is your resume, if that gets destroyed then there’s no telling what could happen.”

“And having feelings for someone is going to lead me on a path to self-destruction?” Erwin snapped. He glared at the sandy haired man across from him. Hanji took a step back. “So what if his job isn’t ideal? Does that make him any less human? He’s beautiful in a way I’ve never seen before. He doesn’t have the plastic guise that everyone I’ve ever been with has. I hardly know him, yes, but that’s what intrigues me more. Maybe it’s a ‘forbidden fruit’ kind of attraction, I don’t know and I don’t care. All I know is that I want to be with him in a way I’ve never wanted to be with anyone before.” 

Was that really how he felt? Yes. Why it had taken him so long to realize was beyond him.

Mike and Hanji were silent. Erwin sighed and buried his face in his hands. Guilt washed over him like a thrashing wave.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to snap like that. I just … I want to be with him. I feel so desperate.” He muttered.

Hanji shuffled and sat next to him. She placed a hand on his back and rubbed soothing circles as she spoke. “And that’s ok. We support you. But as your friends we also need to let you know what kind of risks are involved in a situation like this. I’ve told you before, we don’t want anything but the best for you.” Hanji looked at Mike who nodded in return.

Erwin closed his eyes. She was right. They were only looking out for him. He was their friend and they did not want to see him make a mistake that pointed in a downward direction. It was silly of him to overreact but this was his mistake to make in the end right? If pursing with a relationship with Levi meant that he had to receive public scrutiny then that was on his shoulders to bare. They were good friends for worrying about him but this was something he could handle alone.

Besides, he had analyzed the situation over a dozen times in the past week. He knew every possible outcome.

And he did not give a shit.

Erwin knew it was not like him to be so reckless. Hanji and Mike clearly did as well. But this was different. He made up his mind right then and there.

“I appreciate the concern, but I know what the course of my actions could result in. You both know I’m not one to make a decision without properly seeing the outcome.”

“Yeah, just like at the party when you two made the ‘decision’ to head upstairs and do God knows what.” Mike said. Erwin flinched slightly.

“You know as well as I do that I was not in the right state of mind.” He gritted his teeth. Mike simply gave a knowing look and took another drag of his half-burnt cigarette. Hanji sighed.

“Mike, you already look surprisingly old for your age. Aren’t models supposed to be health conscious?”

“Aren’t photographer’s supposed to take pictures and hide behind the camera where they belong?”

“Ouch, that hurt.”

“At least I don’t smell like dog.”

“Would you drop that already?!”

…

_“Are you free Saturday?”_

Erwin stared at the four letter message displayed on the phone’s small screen. He had only sent the message less than five minutes ago, there was no reason to be worried he would not respond. But he was worried. Levi was probably working as of now. Erwin got up from his seat at his island and put his plate in the sink.

_BUZT!_

He looked at his phone. The ‘one new message’ screen was displayed. As calmly as he could he walked back over to where the device laid still on the grey marble.

_Levi – “Why …?”_

Personally, Erwin thought it was pretty obvious why.

_“I was hoping we could hang out.”_

Levi replied much quicker this time. 

_Levi – “Are you trying to ask me out on a date?”_

Erwin stared at the screen, his cheeks feeling slightly warm. 

Yes …? Wait no! He just wanted to hang out. Like normal people do. Yes that was it. Sure, he had feelings for Levi, but he still wanted to get to know him. He did not want to rush anything with this man that could slip out of his fingertips at any moment. 

Suddenly he was hit with an overwhelming sense of déjà vu from his teenage years. Being awkward, people mistaking his bluntness for rudeness, no one wanting to confront him because they could not see what he truly felt …

_“I’m trying to ask you if you want to hang out. Apparently it’s not working.”_

He had always been a prolific speaker. People respected him and listened to what he had to say even though he would not speak about personal matters often. But when it came to emotions and how to deal with them, Erwin always shut them tight away inside a box until they became necessary. A box in the corners of his mind where if any one tried to pry open the metal flaps they would stay down, too heavy to be exposed. It was not that he did not want to feel, and it was not that he did not know how to feel, he just never knew what to do with them. Was he supposed to shove how he felt into someone else’s face? Was he supposed to wait until they became relevant? What if that was too late? He never found the answers to those questions.

Someone had once accused him of not being human because of the way he dealt with his emotions. He had not thought much of it at the time, but reflecting on it now made him feel uneasy. Apparently when you don’t pour your heart out to someone who will just end up stomping on it anyways people have a right to doubt your humanity.

_Levi – “Forward. That’s the only word I can use to describe you right now.”_

_“I can give a word to describe you, if that’s what we are doing.”_

Levi took a minute to respond.

_Levi – “Well now I’m intrigued.”_

Erwin smiled to himself. Now that he had his attention …

_“I’ll tell you if you answer my initial question.”_

_Levi – “ … Where did you have in mind?”_

Erwin’s smile spread even larger. He had bet the odds were slim that Levi would actually want to do anything. He knew it was a possibility, but a very small one.

_“Not so much as where, more like what.”_

_Levi – “I thought I made it pretty clear I wasn’t going to have sex with you just yet.”_

Erwin was frozen. Did he read that right? That was not what he was trying to imply at all! Clearly Levi felt otherwise. Erwin did not usually get flustered, let alone dumbstruck, but here he was fumbling like an idiot who had never even heard of the word sex.

And what did he mean by ‘just yet’?!

_“Um … That’s not what I was trying to say …”_

Precious seconds past.

_Levi – “Holy shit what I would give to see the look on your face right now.”_

Erwin huffed.

_“Ice skating. That’s what I had in mind.”_

_Levi – “Do I really strike you as the kind that knows how to ice skate?”_

_“Luckily for you I’ve been doing it since I was twelve. I can teach you.”_

_Levi – “And what makes you think I want to learn?”_

_“Well you’re still talking to me about it.”_

His phone was silent for some time. Erwin started to wonder if he had offended the man somehow but just then his phone vibrated on the counter.

_Levi – “What time.”_

…

 

Erwin traveled through the streets in silence. 

To be honest he was worried. A lot. This was the first time he and Levi were going to be meeting as civilized human beings. He was not in any kind of drunken stupor or lost in a shady part of town. It did not matter that Levi was a prostitute and Erwin was a male supermodel. They were just two different people after all.

He rolled onto the intersection of the two streets that Levi had directed him to. Sure enough the dark haired man was there, leaning leisurely on the corner store’s back wall. Erwin pulled up next to him and ushered him to get in. Levi was slow to oblige at first, probably gauging Erwin’s reaction, but eventually pulled the car door open and sat into the passenger’s seat.

Levi was clearly not on the clock. He wore a dark band hoodie with a simple pair of black jeans and military style combat boots. His raven colored hair was capped with a plain navy beanie. His facial piercings glinted with the light reflected on the hood of the car. 

It was strange. He looked almost ... too young. Just then he realized he did not even know how old Levi was.

That could be a problem.

“If you’ve had a long enough look I do recall you said we were going ice skating.”

Erwin returned back to the real world. With a cough he pushed down on the gas and once again made his way through the city streets.

“You look nice.” He said.

“I look like this all the time.”

Not really sure how to retort to that he kept his eyes on the road. After several minutes of silence he could feel Levi wanted to speak, but he did not or some reason.

Clearly whatever he had been thinking got the better of him. “I didn’t ask yesterday, where are we going to skate?” Ah, so he was capable of asking a question without it being rude or snarky.

“The Rink, at the Rockefeller Center. It’s a beautiful place, I’m sure you’ll enjoy it.”

Levi mumbled something inaudible. They continued to drive through the streets, onto the freeway, and back down into the streets until they approached the center. Neither said another word the rest of the ride. The silence that resulted was not awkward, just tense. Levi did not betray it on his face but his body language showed just how nervous he was. It made sense too.

The situation was almost surreal. He was driving with a man he hardly knew (on a Saturday at that), into a part of town where he had never been, expected to learn something he never had been taught. Erwin wanted nothing more than to promise him that he would be the best teacher possible and avoid any touchy topics but the words died in his throat.

They got their tickets, passed through the lines, and put on their skates in silence as well. It was not until they were about to about to mount the ice that Levi spoke up.

“You said you’ve been doing this since you were twelve?”

Erwin nodded. “It’s really simple once you get the hang of it. I’ll help you.”

“Tch, I’m sure I’ll get the hang of it.”

Crowds of people flooded the cool ice rink. Professionals skated in circles flawlessly while others scrambled to stay on their feet. Family, friends, and couples all moved simultaneously in a repetitive dance, round and round the frozen surface. It was cold today; many people wore hats and scarves tucked snug on their heads and pulled high over their mouths. The skyscrapers towered above them, trapping them in the secluded rink of ice and providing a picturesque backdrop of the city skyline.

Erwin hid his face with his scarf and stepped easily onto the ice. He stretched him hand out to Levi, who stood on the line just before solid ground merged into slippery ground.

“Just take my hand. I’ll tell you what to do once you get out on the ice.”

Levi’s glare was colder than the frosty surface below them. He looked small as he stood uncertainly on the edge of the rink.

“How do I know you won’t leave me hanging?” Levi’s tone was not accusing, but his words themselves were. He looked skeptical. Erwin was slightly hurt by the comment, but he was determined not to let it show.

“You don’t. I need you to trust me.”

Erwin felt his words meant more than simply being there for him on the ice. He meant it for every time they ever saw each other again. He wanted Levi to trust him more than anything.

Levi, rather slowly, reached out and took at hold of Erwin’s hand. He was wobbly and unbalanced but somehow managed to remain on his feet. Erwin was impressed. He leaned down so that Levi could hear him through the noise of the swarm of people around them. Damn, he was shorter than he thought.

“Don’t try to walk, push out. Yes like that. See you’re already getting the hand of it.” Erwin smiled. 

Levi did not look up, he was concentrated on the hard ice beneath him. He understood the concept of pushing out very well. He would be skating like a pro in no time.

_THUD!_

Or at least, that’s what he thought. In the blink of an eye the two were toppled over each other on the ground. Clearly Levi had fallen or slipped. He was shouting profanities as he attempted to get back up. Erwin got to feet and helped the shorter man up, who accepted his help grudgingly.

“Shit, that fucking hurt.” His hand was still wrapped firmly around Erwin’s.

“You’re going to fall a few times before you really get the hang of it. Don’t worry about it too much.”

“Yeah yeah I know.” He muttered.

For the next hour or so Erwin continued to help Levi try to get the basics down. 

They fell several more times and with each time Levi grew more impatient than the last. It was cute really. The way he furrowed his brow in frustration, the way he bit his lower lip when he was thinking really hard … He grasped the concepts surprisingly quick and eventually requested to have Erwin let him go. Erwin complied but could not help but to notice how much colder his hand was left afterwards.

They followed the circular pattern of the rink. Levi would occasionally slip or fall off balance and Erwin would be there, a steady arm already in position. Once Levi found a steady pace they were finally able to speak to each other.

“You got it down pretty quickly. I had a feeling you would.” Erwin smiled warmly.

Levi scowled. “It would be a lot nicer if I hadn’t fallen on my ass so many times.”

Erwin chuckled. “It’s only natural. Took me a year or so until I could do it without thinking.”

Levi did not respond. Erwin spoke before they lapsed into silence again.

“How long have you been in New York? You had no idea where The Rink was, so I’m surprised to say the least.”

Levi sighed, bored. “Not very long. About a year. So what if I don’t know where some stupid ice rink is located?”

“If you were a local I would have figured you might have already known where it was. It’s fine though. I’ve lived here for about three years and I still manage to get lost on occasion.”

Levi snorted at this. They rounded the curves of the rink smoothly, Levi managed to survive without slipping.

“Pardon me for asking, but how old are you?” Was that too direct? Oh well, he had already said it.

“What is this twenty questions?”

“I just want to get to know you better.”

“You said that at the coffee shop too.”

“Because I meant it.”

Levi tried to cover his face with his hands in exasperation but almost slipped in the process. Erwin held out a hand in which he swatted away.

“You want to know about me? Fine. I’m twenty-five years old, you already know what I do for a living, and I’ve got a big ass tattoo on my shoulder I hate. But you already knew that too.” His tone was threatening, his shoulders tense. He looked like a black cat about ready to pounce.

“I’m sure there’s more to you than that.” He stated monotonously. Now he was echoing himself.

“Nothing more worth talking about.”

“Why?”

“Why what?” He spat.

“Why do you degrade yourself like this?” Erwin’s voice was intertwined with hurt and concern. With his words Levi became silent, his eyes trained on the ice.

“If you knew the things I’ve done, you’d back away from me slowly. You wouldn’t make eye contact with me. You’d run and you wouldn’t look back. They all do.” His face was blank, but his words ached with a buried pain he refused to resurface. They were scars that would never go away. Erwin wanted to take his hand, hold him close, but he knew that would only make matters worse.

“I haven’t been known to make stupid decisions,” Erwin sensed Levi’s eyes on him as he shoved his hands in his coat’s pockets and looked at the buildings above, “But when I do, I always have a reason. The things you’ve done don’t make you who you are. It’s how you deal with them and learn from them that defines you. I can’t say I know how you feel or what you’ve been through, but I can tell that you’re strong. You realize that you’re actions have consequences and you want to keep other’s out so they won’t get hurt. Lucky for you I have a high tolerance for pain.”

“How the fuck can you tell all of that from the two times we’ve seen each other? And when the hell did you turn into Socrates?” Levi asked, truly baffled.

“I’ve always been able to read a situation pretty well. I guess it works on people too. By trying to close yourself off you make it easier for some things to slip out.” He gave Levi a sideways look out of the corner of his eye. The raven haired man looked away hurriedly.

They skated, around and around. Erwin did not know what else to say. All he knew about Levi was that he had little to no confidence in himself and believed his actions in the past were too severe to be overlooked in the future. Erwin could not think of any comforting words to ease the shorter man’s worries. He meant every word of what he said before.

“I’m twenty-seven, I’m a model, and I don’t have any noteworthy tattoos.” He said. He did not look down but he felt Levi’s piercing grey eyes on him once again.

“A model? Are you serious?” Levi asked. Erwin nodded in affirmative.

“Believe it or not it’s not what the TV shows and magazines make it out to be. It’s fun and thrilling at first, but once you’ve been doing it for several years it gets old. Well unless you travel. Then I would imagine things get more interesting.”

“I take it you don’t travel.”

Erwin was surprised Levi had taken an interest. This was definitely a turnaround from their last conversation.

“No. Not yet at least.” The last part slipped off his tongue.

Levi raised an eyebrow. “Not yet?”

He was hoping he could have avoided talking about leaving but he had no choice now. Levi would have found out eventually …

“My manager and a friend of mine have been working really hard to get me onto an international level. They recently got me booked for a show in Hong Kong.”

“Oh.” Levi said as he looked down. Was that a glimmer of disappointment in his eyes? No, the reflection of the ice had to be playing a trick on his eyes. The dark haired man did not look up when Erwin spoke again.

“Sometime I’d like you to meet my friends. I’m sure they’d love to meet you as well.”

“If you couldn’t already tell, I’m not a people person.”

“Doesn’t your job kind of require that?” A visible flinch. Crap, wrong choice of words. “I mean I’m sure you meet lots of people.” Smooth. Very smooth.

“That doesn’t mean I have to be friendly to them. Believe it or not I’m not doing this of my own free will.” Levi’s eyes widened a fraction of an inch. He looked like he let something slip. It was unnerving to hear that. ‘I’m not doing this of my own free will.’ The words echoed in Erwin’s mind.

He did not want to pry, even though the thought of someone forcing and hurting Levi into something so horrendous made him boil with unfamiliar anger. Levi would tell him when he was ready. “I’m sorry, that was not my place to speculate.”

Levi relaxed, but only slightly.

Soft light peeked through the maze of buildings above. Erwin looked down at his wristwatch. 6:34 p.m. Had it been two and a half hours already? Time surely did fly when he was around Levi.

People began to leave slowly until after a little while there were noticeably few. Most of the young children had left which made the rink seem quieter. Erwin looked down at Levi. Tendrils of mist curled out from his pink lips as he intensely concentrated on his feet. Erwin had to resist the urge to grab his hand once again.

“Do you want to head back?”

Levi looked up, startled out of focus. “Hm?”

“It’s getting a little late. I’m sure you have other things you’d like to do tonight. I was wondering if you wanted me to take you home.”

Levi looked away again. Why does he keep doing that? “Whatever, that’s fine.”

They rounded the ice rink one more time then exited, Erwin with a little more grace than Levi. He attempted to walk off instead of simply sliding off and landed on his butt yet again. Erwin had to stifle a laugh. He was too cute!

“Are you going to help me?” He growled.

Erwin smiled and did as he was asked. It made him feel good that Levi actually wanted his help. They took off their skates and left The Rink, significantly warmer even though the air outside was bitter with cold. The streets were alive with downtown activity as the pair made their way to Erwin’s car. Once inside Erwin removed his scarf and Levi gave him directions to his apartment.

After about a half an hour of driving (and maybe a few wrong turns) Erwin pulled up onto the curb just outside Levi’s residence. It was simple, not much distinguished it from any other neighborhood.

“I’ll walk you.” Erwin said. 

“What?”

“I’ll walk you.” He repeated. Levi sighed as he shrugged his way out of the car. Erwin followed suit. He fished his keys out of his back pocket and fumbled to find the right one. Erwin contemplated his words carefully before he spoke.

“You never did tell me why you are so down on yourself.”

Levi suddenly went stiff. He was quiet for so long Erwin thought he would not answer. He mumbled only one word. “Him.”

Erwin raised a bushy eyebrow. Him? The guardian he had spoken of before? If he was his guardian then wasn’t he supposed to protect Levi?

“Now I have a question for you Blondie.” Levi turned to face the taller man. He was so close Erwin could feel his body heat. “What was the one word you had in mind to describe me?”

Erwin smiled warmly. “Alluring.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay have some fluff! And a happy belated New Year!


	5. Once Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Once again, luck is on Erwin's side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow this chapter took me WAY too long. I feel like it's a little off too ...

_Levi – “No.”_

_“May I ask why?”_

_Levi – “Why the fuck do you think?”_

_“I don’t know, that’s why I was asking.”_

_Levi – “Oh my God. You know you’re a real smart ass for someone so blunt.”_

_“I thought you said I was stupid.”_

_Levi – “You’re aggravating.”_

Erwin smirked to himself as he looked at the message displayed on the screen of his cell phone. Two weeks in and he was still having problems getting Levi to go out with him again. He did not ask often, only occasionally like on the weekends when he figured the man might be … off the clock. So far all of his efforts proved to be in vain but Erwin was never known for giving up easily. 

Levi was truly complicated. Sometimes Erwin would send him a text message, maybe just a simple ‘hello’ or ‘how are you?’, but the mysterious man would never respond. Other times Levi would precariously send him a one letter text during random hours of the day. One time he sent him a message that simply read: ‘red’ at midnight. Erwin did not know what to make of it. Was it a game? A test? He felt like Levi was toying with him, seeing if he could decipher the encrypted messages in the tiny one-liners he would occasionally leave for the other man to fret about. Erwin tried to string the words together but found no connection between them. Red, silent, normal, monochromatic and the list goes on.

Sometimes he felt like he was coming across as trying to harass Levi into going somewhere with him but whenever he heard the soft buzz of his phone his nerves settled, if only a little bit. Maybe these confusing messages he was sending where some twisted form of payback or a weird way of trying to ward Erwin off. The only time Levi had directly told him to get lost was over a month ago during their brief happenstance on the streets so he decided to take that as a good sign none the less.

_“Tell me if you change your mind.”_

…

“Still nothing?”

Erwin shook his head as he shrugged on the plaid blazer that he was instructed to wear for the show. The cool, breezy night air poked its way through the fine fabric and tousled his hair playfully. The lights in front of the make-shift backstage area cast oddly shaped orange shadows on the faces and bodies of those scrambling to complete their wardrobe. Hanji grabbed his tie off a nearby rack and began fastening it around Erwin’s neck as he buttoned the gold clasps of the designer blazer.

“No, not yet.” He sighed. Hanji looked at him from under her glasses.

“He’ll come around eventually. Once he realizes you’re perfect for him then I’m sure it will be hard to get you two apart.”

“Perfect for him?” Erwin echoed.

“Yup,” Hanji rolled her eyes when she met his dumbfounded expression, “Yes, you big dork. I said perfect. I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase opposites attract? You two are like the definition of opposites from what I understand. I think that’s what makes you so drawn to him.”

Erwin mulled over this for a second. It was true, Levi was practically the textbook definition of opposite from him. While Levi was short, Erwin was tall. While Levi was rather rude, Erwin was polite. There had to be some things they shared in common. Maybe it was something small, like sharing the same favorite color, but there had to at least _one_ thing.

“I suppose that makes sense.” He said, more to himself than to Hanji. The brunette smiled as she gave one final tug at his tie, signaling she had finished. Erwin looked down to inspect her handiwork. He was pleasantly surprised, he could not have done it better himself.

“You know I’ve had a boyfriend or two. Don’t look so surprised, I’ve got experience,” She teased, “Now turn, I want to see.”

Erwin did as he was told. He knew she would not let him walk out onto the runway without a short inspection at the very least. It was a routine little ritual they had, Hanji would either scrunch her nose up in disapproval or nodded in acknowledgement. Thankfully this time she nodded and Erwin regarded her with a smile.

“You look good Commander.”

Erwin rolled his eyes slightly. “Commander?”

“I didn’t stutter did I? Now knock them dead, you always do.” Hanji winked at him them moved to disappear into the crowd. Just before she was out of reach Erwin wrapped his large hand around her wrist. She stopped and looked back at him, mild confusion swimming behind the rims of her glasses. Erwin smiled.

“Thank you. I feel like I don’t tell you enough how much you mean to me,” He spoke quietly, “Really, thank you.” It took her a moment to register his words but when she did a light shade of pink crept onto her cheeks. She smiled back at him.

“You don’t need to tell me. I know. Now go, I don’t want to you miss your queue!” She shooed him off with her free hand. He released her and watched her vanish into the hectic mess of models and clothing. Sighing, he made his way to the runway opening ready to, as Hanji had stated, ‘knock them dead’.

…

Camera lights flashed in a disorienting array of white light, people hollered and cheered, and models walked stiffly and confidently as they owned the catwalk. Outdoor shows were no different than the ones indoors. Sure the air was fresher and the scenery was variable, but it was still a fashion show. He still had to walk up a runway. He still had to walk back down. It was a nice change but nothing like what he desired.

At least his clothes were comfortable.

 _Thank goodness it is the final walk_. Erwin followed two steps behind the man in front of him. Strangers screamed their final words of admiration and photographers struggled to get their last photos as they descended the walkway and ultimately to the safety of back stage. The host appeared and announced the conclusion of the show. The crowd of onlookers began to disperse and music replaced the chatter of the spectators. Models, less hastily, changed into their own devices. It did not take long for the energy to die down significantly.

Erwin changed into his own clothes and began the short walk to his car, which he had parked in a parking facility not too far from the show. Small clouds churned above and an icy breeze wafted through the streets. Despite the algid temperature of the evening he noticed a substantial amount of people wandering the streets. There was significant amount of couples, all holding hands or laughing amidst themselves.

“Wow, I didn’t think it was possible to look that pathetically lonely but here we are.” A smooth voice cut like a knife through his inattention.

Erwin turned around. Sure enough the owner of the voice stood several feet from him poised leniently against the corner of a building that led down an alleyway. He was in his work attire, or what Erwin assumed it to be, except with an unzipped black hoodie and appeared to be disinterested at the sight before him. That sight being an apparently lonesome Erwin.

“L-Levi …?” The name rolled off his tongue as a question, disbelief threatened to distort his usually calm demeanor. Levi rolled his eyes.

“Yes. I highly doubt you know anyone else that’s five three with this many piercings.” 

Erwin could hardly form the question is his head. “What are you …? What on earth are you doing here?”

“I’m here to kidnap your first born and use it for human sacrifice.” He deadpanned.

“What?”

“Wait you’re gay, you don’t have a first born.”

Erwin scowled. “Am I supposed to –?”

“Oh come on, I was making a joke. God you’re hopeless.” Levi remained impassive.

“You have an interesting sense of humor,” Was all he could think of. Levi merely shrugged, “But really. Why are you here?”

“You don’t want me here?” Levi’s voice mocked hurt.

“I didn’t say that.” Was this some sort of game to him?

“Some friends got word there was going to be a fashion show down here. They warned us to avoid it, you know lots of people, police and all, but I wanted to check it out anyways.”

“And would there happen to be a reason for that?” Erwin asked.

“Don’t go getting smug Blondie. I haven’t seen a show before.”

“You’d go out of your way to see a show but you couldn’t join me for a movie?” Erwin mimicked Levi’s earlier tone of sarcastic hurt as he placed a hand over his heart.

“I’m going to wipe that smirk of your pretty face you ass hat.” Levi said through gritted teeth.

“Alright, alright. That was a bit uncalled for,” He apologized, “Do you want to walk?” He gestured down the street. _What am I thinking?_

Levi seemed to consider his options. He thought Levi was going to tell him something like, ‘If you were any more hopeless you would need to have a dictionary to know what the word even means’ but he eventually nodded reluctantly. It was almost funny how unpredictable the man could be sometimes. Not that he had any right to assume how the man normally acted.

They walked side by side in quiet for a little while, letting the sounds of passing people and cars serve as a barrier. Erwin was not uncomfortable, but he was definitely on edge. Nothing added up. Not why Levi was here nor why he had actually been willing to come along.

“How have you been?” Wow. Even Erwin knew that was a pathetic place to start. He had never been good at small talk.

“Just peachy.” Levi said without looking up. Erwin was at a loss yet again. Did the shorter man even _want_ to talk?

“It must be nice.” He muttered, barely audible over the city noise.

“You mean being a model?”

Levi gave a small nod, his hands in his hoodie’s pockets. “You just have to walk up and down a runway. Sell the clothes. Pose for a camera. Seems like an easy gig to me.”

Erwin thought about that for a moment before he spoke. “It is,” Levi up looked at him, “But you know, I think that’s what makes me rather tired of it.”

Erwin stole a quick glance down at Levi’s face. His expression was unreadable.

“It’s like clockwork,” He continued, his eyes on the sidewalk ahead, “A lot of people think the life of a model is as glamorous as the magazines make it out to be. It really isn’t. I’ve thought about it a lot. Runways are always the same even though they are different. Like you said, you walk up and then you walk down. You pose for a camera and change according to how they see fit. It’s not hard, but it’s not easy. It gets …” He was quiet in thought for a moment.

“It gets …?” Levi prompted.

Erwin smiled. A fake smile, practiced and polished to mask how he really felt. “Lonely.”

Levi’s expression remained indecipherable. Silence blanketed them again until Erwin spoke.

“I’m sorry to have dumped all that on you. That wasn’t appropriate of me.” He laughed lightheartedly although his heart truly was full. It hurt to finally say the words he had been thinking for the past couple of years. He did not feel at ease, nor did he feel like he had let go apart of himself. This routine existence would always be a part of him. Whether he was in Hong Kong or New York. What had been thinking when he assumed things would change?

“Life never turns out the way we want it to,” Levi let words hang in the air as they walked. At least with Levi things might be even just a little more spontaneous. 

Wait, had he just told him to suck it up?

“Levi, how did you get here?” He knew he was treading into dangerous waters now. It was not really a question he intended to ask so soon but curiosity had gotten the better of him, something it did not usually do.

“Don’t ask questions you might regret hearing the answers to.” Levi’s face was now shaded, his tone serious and grim.

“I can assure you, I would not have asked if I did not want to know.” Erwin’s voice remained even. He surprised himself with that considering he was panicking internally that his one chance to understand Levi better could be ripped out of his hands as quickly as it had presented itself. Weren’t they initially just going for a walk?

Levi sighed. “Fine. I’ll keep it simple,” They rounded a corner as Levi began, “I got into some trouble. No, I wasn’t just smoking weed or vandalizing some shitty convenience store. I was doing some … unethical things. I’m not going to give you the details so don’t even ask. I was doing those things for a while until I got myself into some even deeper shit. These guys wanted some compensation for something I didn’t have the resources for. When I told them I couldn’t give them what they wanted …” Levi paused, “Well, let’s just say their leader was a fucking queer. He got what _he_ wanted and had the rest of my group wiped from the underground. After that was said and done he sold me into this business. I guess that’s all there is to it.” His tone was harsh, clearly the memories were worse than he made them seem.

“I … I don’t know what to say.” Erwin breathed. There was more to it, terrible as the story was, and it pained Erwin to know it. The thought of someone taking advantage of Levi made his thoughts run on overdrive and his hands ached for something to asphyxiate. Granted, the man’s work allowed such things to happen, but the way he had just explained it showed that he had not entered into prostitution out of necessity or of his own accord.

“There’s nothing to say. You told me a little while ago that the past was just that; the past. There’s no use in worrying over it anymore.” Levi’s face was still shaded.

“You remembered.” Erwin smiled. Levi did not respond. They made their way down the bustling city streets. Festive lights hung from balconies and in windows above the sidewalk. Railings and planter boxes were littered with colorful decorations commemorating the approach of the New Year. New Year’s Eve was only a day away but it seemed as though everyone was ready to celebrate. As they entered further into the city more people began to flood the streets, the noise of cars became more prominent, and the celebratory décor grew more plentiful. It was like it was New Year’s Eve already.

“Thank you. For telling me. It must not have been easy, going through the things you had to endure.”

Levi shrugged. “I had it coming. With the things I did, I’m fortunate enough to even be alive. But like I said, the past is the past. I’m just thankful for every breath I take.” Erwin chose to say no more.

“Do you believe in fate?”

Well that was unexpected.

“As a matter of fact,” Erwin looked down at Levi who appeared to be lost in thought, “I do not.”

Levi looked up at him and their eyes met. Erwin held his piercing gaze, wanting the man to fully understand what he meant when he spoke once more.

“I do however, believe in luck. It’s unpredictable, maybe even a little cruel. Though it’s not cruel without reason, like people believe fate to be. One may steal something and if they are lucky, they won’t get caught. But, what if they aren’t lucky? The police will find them and they will lose not only what they stole, but everything they own. Their possessions, their family, their respect, it’s all gone. Some time’s the crook is misunderstood. Maybe he had a family to provide for. Maybe he had a past he was trying to run from. Whatever the reason, his luck ran out, and he got caught. It placed him in a position he was not expecting and he took the fall. A tricky thing luck is.”

“If you were any deeper you’d be a fucking well.” Levi muttered. Erwin smiled and placed a hand on the back of his neck.

“I guess I do get a little carried away sometimes.” He said sheepishly. Levi huffed something that sounded like ‘fuck yes you do’ but he chose not to comment. They walked in silence yet again, something Erwin had grown accustomed to.

Levi finally showed some interest their surroundings, his eyes traveled over anything and everything. It took Erwin a minute to notice how close Levi had become since he was clearly not used to being surrounded by so many strangers. The dark haired man’s steely eyes reflected the bright lights around them. His head was tilted up, his lips parted slightly in awe of the magnificence of the towering skyscrapers above them. His dark hair was tousled by the evening breeze, framing his face and slender jawline.

He was beautiful.

They turned down a street filled with shops and carts, completely unaware of where they had wandered off to. Erwin never got a chance to look at the street names but he found himself not caring. He was in a different world, one where there were only two people who mattered.

“Have you been downtown before?”

Levi shifted his gaze to the taller man. “No, I haven’t.”

“I’m surprised almost everyone who lives and visits here has been downtown at some point.”

“Well I guess I’m in the ‘almost’ category. The only time I was anywhere near that busy hell hole was when you took me ice skating.”

“It’s not a hell hole.” Erwin tried to look serious as he met Levi’s eyes. They both could not hold it in anymore and laughed aloud.

“Are you kidding? It’s a fucking tourist nightmare down there.” Levi said through fits of giggles. Erwin realized he liked Levi’s laugh. He wanted to hear it more.

“It is.” He agreed, smiling wide.

They talked and talked, finally able to fit into a comfortable stream of questions and answers. Erwin asked where Levi grew up, Levi asked what Erwin’s favorite color was (which surprisingly was the same as his). They were trivial questions, but it was nice to finally be able to get to know the man. He tried to keep his answers short and simple, as did Levi. Even though their words were few, they learned more about each other than Erwin ever thought he would.

Occasionally he would land on an uncomfortable topic. He could tell by the way Levi would stiffen ever so slightly or hold his breath quietly after he asked. Whenever he sensed he had asked the wrong question he would ask a different one, completely unrelated.

One detail plagued his thoughts throughout their conversation.

Just who was this enigmatic ‘guardian’ he had mentioned before?

Erwin noticed that especially whenever he asked about Levi’s current life, Levi would pause ever so slightly or hold his breath yet again. He could not hold back the feeling that this ‘guardian’ was the cause of it.

“Levi, you said a while back you have someone watching over you? Is he the same guy that … sold … you into your business?” It was a question he did not originally intend to ask. Yet there it was, hanging heavy in the air around them. The mood shifted to something slightly darker. Erwin was about to tell him not to worry about it when Levi suddenly spoke up.

“No,” Levi shifted uncomfortably, his eyes darting to passing strangers and alleyways. Just when Erwin thought that was all he spoke again, “Look, it’s best you don’t ask about him anymore.”

“How come?” Curiosity was a strong thing. He was expecting to be shut down but Levi surprised him again.

“He dangerous. More dangerous than any client I’ve ever had, any fight I’ve ever gotten into on the streets. He won’t hesitate to kill anyone that interferes with his business.” Levi’s eyes were glazed slightly. He looked as though he was in a trance.

“Business? I thought he was just your guardian?” Erwin asked skeptically.

Levi’s eye widened slightly. He managed to keep his composure. “It’s … complicated.”

“Levi, you can tell me.” Erwin said.

“You’ll never understand.” Whatever it was that had grabbed his attention made him less hostile. He was almost reflective. The question bounced around in his mind again. Just who was this ‘guardian’? How did he have so much control over Levi?

“Maybe if you –”

“Look, he crazy. Fucking insane. He kills like it’s no one’s fucking business. He takes what he wants and doesn’t make up the rest. He looks young but he’s killed more people than both our ages combined. He’s violent and possessive and …” Levi trailed, his eyes suddenly empty, his hands shaking so microscopically Erwin almost did not notice.

“Levi …” Erwin stopped in the middle of the sidewalk. Levi stopped as well, but he refused to meet his eyes. “I … can’t stand to hear you like this.” It was a gamble, but he placed a hand on the shorter man’s arm. Levi flinched and pulled his arm back, some of the fire returning in his eyes.

“Don’t touch me,” He seethed, “You don’t want to know about him. He’s a sadistic psychopath that I would kill him if I had the chance …”

“Then why don’t you?”

“I said it was complicated okay?!” Levi snarled.

“I … I’ll take your word for it,” Erwin resigned, defeated, “But if it’s not too much to ask. What is his name?”

“Why?”

“If he’s a threat then I would prefer to know who I’m dealing with.”

Levi sighed irritably.

“Eren Jaeger.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahaha! I bet you all already guessed it ... The correct terminology for Eren is Levi's procurer or 'pimp' if you want to use street terms. I hope Erwin wasn't being too pushy. If he was just understand I need the story to progress (I suck at fluff too T-T). I'm super excited for the next chapter!


	6. Blood and Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Erwin never has any luck with first encounters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to shorten my notes because I realized I talk too much.

Erwin and Levi departed unceremoniously. Levi would make some sort of back-handed jab at how ‘wonderful’ the evening had gone even though he really enjoyed himself. Erwin would smile and brush it off because he knew that deep down this was Levi’s way of telling he had a good time. They finally began to understand the little things about each other. Even if they had only known each other for such a short time, Erwin prided himself in how quickly he had begun to see through Levi’s indifferent mask and sarcastic comebacks. They were endearing really.

The last light of day that peeked through the clouds transitioned smoothly into darkness of night as Erwin walked home. They had explored a ways away from where he had initially parked his car in the commotion of the show but it was no bother. He realized he only had to walk back several blocks after he got a good look at the street names he had neglected before. Plus he had gotten to learn more about Levi so he was not going to complain. It was sappy really, but being with Levi really did make everything better. Erwin did not care he was a prostitute. His job did not mean anything. The man was still human after all.

The street lights flickered on, illuminating the pavement with their milky, artificial light. A few cars rolled by in the streets. These streets did not bustle with activity like the others had. Erwin walked past several apartments with less decorations hung about and turned down a street that looked familiar.

The clouds above reflected the lights of the city, turning the sky a soft gray color. They rolled above, their darkness confirmed the threat of rain. Erwin walked for about ten minutes until he felt the familiar wetness of precipitation on his cheeks. He looked up and saw the familiar outline of water droplets, highlighted by the cars and street lights, as they fell gracefully from the clouds. Strangers tugged on their coats and pulled open their umbrellas.

Erwin did not mind. He enjoyed the rain.

Rain was a fresh start. Something new that would wash out the old. He enjoyed the smell, the way it caressed his cheeks when it carelessly fell. The only thing he did not like was the cold that came along with it.

He wished Levi had not left so soon. The man’s eyes were probably more beautiful than any jewel right about now. Grey on grey, a brightness to contrast with the dark. Erwin smiled to himself. How he allowed himself to fall he over heals for that man? It was crazy plain and simple. Levi had told him that some time ago, but he did not care. The little time he had spent with the man only made him want to be with him more.

Come to think of it he had never had a kiss in the rain.

The beads of water that fell were small, merely a fine mist that hung over the streets. They were hardly enough to be called rain. Yet the cars that passed had grown ill-defined and the only thing he could clearly see were their headlights. The outlines of people grew fuzzy and dark. He needed to get home before it turned into a downpour.

Just as he passed an alleyway he felt a hand grab for his wrist. Before he had any time to react his back was slammed hard against a brick wall forcing all the air out of his lungs. Two hands held his wrists in place, pinned to the cold stone. He could only see the silhouette of his attackers. One was shorter than him with a relatively solid build. The other was taller and while he may not have been as well-muscled as the other his grip on Erwin’s wrist was noticeably stronger.

An eerie laugh echoed through the alleyway. A car passed and its lights brightened the narrow space. The taller man had black hair, a large nose, and sported a rather nervous looking expression. The shorter of the two had cropped blond hair and looked positively menacing. The laugh belonged to neither of them.

A young man leaned against the brick on the opposite side of the alley. He looked familiar. Dark brown hair, greenish-blue eyes, a wicked smirk … It was that man! The man from the party! And the coffee shop too! Who were these men he was with and why did they have him pinned down? More importantly who the hell was he and why did he look so … sinister?

“Nice to finally meet you face to face. It’s been a while, Erwin Smith.” The brunet purred. This was not good. How did he know his name?

“I’m afraid I don’t think we’ve been acquainted before.” Erwin said, still out of breath.

“No we haven’t. But I know who you are and I’m sure you know who I am too,” The man laughed at Erwin’s confused mien, “My name’s Eren Jaeger. I’m happy to finally meet Levi’s boyfriend.”

Erwin’s stomach dropped. Eren Jaeger.

Levi’s ‘guardian’.

Eren looked satisfied at Erwin horrified expression. “So you do know who I am. I’m flattered. That means my name’s been talked about on the streets.”

Erwin glared at the man. So this was the person who had made Levi’s life a living hell. He looked to be no more than sixteen. Levi’s words came back to him. _“He’s an insane son of a bitch who doesn’t take kindly to ... distractions. He looks young but he’s killed more people than both our ages combined. He’s violent and possessive …”_ Oh no. This was bad, very bad. Levi had briefly mentioned to him how ruthless Eren was. Little did he know he was about to experience it for himself.

Eren’s smile melted away as he took a couple steps forward. “So Erwin. Enough with the introductions. I’ve been itching to chat with you about some pressing matters.”

Erwin raised an eyebrow at this. “Oh?”

Eren now stood directly in front of him. He was a full head shorter than the blond and had to crane his head up slightly so they could make eye contact. Erwin did not understand what made this kid a threat. He looked like any other teenager these days. Gray hoodie, faded jeans, DC’s, nothing really stood out. Then again that may very well be what made him a threat. He did not look suspicious in the slightest. He actually looked rather innocent.

“Reiner.” The young man said with a brief glance in the direction of the shorter blond haired man. In the blink of an eye the blond’s knee collided with a hard thud just below Erwin’s ribs. All of the air escaped his lungs yet again and he doubled over. The two men released his wrists as he landed on his knees. The dirty puddle of rain water splashed beneath him, soaking his jeans. The blond man quickly seized the moment and grabbed both of his wrists. He held him in a secure hold with his hands twisted behind his back so that Erwin was forced to sit up. The rain continued to sprinkle down on them. 

Its softness was a mockery.

Eren knelt down and lifted his chin up. Erwin was forced to meet his disturbing greenish-blue eyes. They glimmered with malice. “There, now we can talk to each other on the same level,” He grabbed Erwin’s shirt collar forcefully and whispered into his ear, “You know, you’re rather handsome. You’d get me a lot of money if I could break you.”

Something warm and wet traced the inside of his ear. Erwin held his breath. What the hell? Was he …? No. No, a thousand times no. He needed to move and he needed to move fast. He tried to flinch back but Eren’s grip on his collar was unexpectedly strong. When he jerked his head back Eren took full advantage. The brunet slide his tongue down to his neck, leaving a warm trail behind. Erwin was stuck, hands held behind his back so that he could not break free.

_What plans did Eren have for him?_

He tried to struggle but every effort proved futile. Any movement made Reiner’s grip on him harden, his hands glued Erwin’s wrists together even stronger. Quickly Eren seized Erwin’s chin and pulled him so close to his face that he could feel the younger’s breath. It smelt like mint.

He suddenly realized he hated mint.

“Don’t be so naïve. Struggling will get you nowhere. At least, it never got Levi anywhere.” His tone was sugary sweet, completely derisive. A fire burned inside him at the mention of Levi. Erwin wanted nothing more than to permanently wipe that ugly ass smirk off his face. 

Instead he spat at him.

Much to his credit, Eren did not even flinch. He closed his eyes and let out a deep sigh, his fingers toyed with something in the pocket of his faded blue jeans. Erwin had rather quick reflexes, but the speed at which Eren unsheathed his pocket knife completely threw him off. In an instant the tip of the blade was pressed deeply into the soft skin of his throat.

“I can kill you. Don’t think for a second that I can’t.”

“Then why don’t you?”

Eren let out a cruel laugh. “No that would be too easy. I want you to suffer,” He put more pressure on the blade and Erwin felt the skin break, a thin trail of liquid seeped from the wound, “But I _will_ kill you if you disrupt my business any more than you already have.”

Erwin glared daggers at the boy. He remained unfazed.

“You don’t realize what you’ve done do you?”

“Enlighten me.” Erwin growled sarcastically.

“You should be more aware of the consequences of your actions.”

“Get to the point.”

Something in Eren’s large eyes flashed. His upper lip rose in a snarl as he flicked the short blade downwards, opening up a long red gash. Erwin gasped as he felt the cold metal cut deep across his neck. He tried to cover the wound with one of his hands but could not because they were still bound. Warmth spread up his neck and pain clouded his mind, his receptors on full alert. He kept his eyes on the boy, no, _monster_ , in front of him, refusing to let him have the satisfaction of winning.

“You will not speak to me like that. Especially not when I hold the delicate balance of your life in my hands,” He flicked his eyes to the blade, now resting on Erwin’s collar, and back, “You see, Levi is one of my most adept workers, and you’re keeping him from doing his job. I don’t like it when people like you hinder the fragile balance of my work.”

“Then maybe you should focus on making your ‘work’ more stable.” Erwin countered. He was being reckless. Every quip was like a tally on a chalkboard.

“You’re in no position to tell me what to do.” Eren snapped. Erwin could see he was trying Eren’s patience. He just needed a little more time to figure out how to get out of this …

Eren stood and indicated to Reiner to have Erwin do the same. The taller, darker haired man pulled something out of his back pocket and placed it to Erwin’s temple. A click echoed through the alley as the man cocked the gun. Cold metal was placed gingerly on Erwin’s temple.

“I’m going to make this short and sweet. Stay away from Levi. Don’t talk to him, don’t see him, and don’t even think about him. If I find you with him again well … Let’s just hope I don’t find you with him again.” Eren’s arms rested across his chest, the blade still in one hand. His greenish-blue eyes narrowed in scrutiny.

Erwin tried to shift out of his hold but the gun was pressed harder onto his skull in response. He did not speak.

“Well?” Eren’s tone grew impatient.

“All right.” He managed through clenched teeth. Eren grunted something incoherent and turned to disappear into the shadows of the alley. Erwin was expecting to be thrown to the floor but he was not released. He turned his head slightly in the direction of the tall man with the gun.

“I thought he said he did not want me dead.” His voice came out surprisingly strong for how scared he truly was. He did not want to die just yet. He still had so many people he needed to apologize to. He needed to apologize to Hanji for accidentally breaking her camera all those months ago. He needed to apologize to the homeless person he did not give his money to the other day. He needed to apologize to Levi for every wrong thing he had said, no matter how small …

Surprisingly the man lowered the gun. Erwin let a tense breath escape his lips. But the man behind him did not let him go. He waited, listening to the sounds of water dropping on the dark asphalt and off the brick walls.

Reiner spun him around quickly so that one side of his face was pressed flush against the wall. It stung, the impact was hard and jarred him mentally. A strong hand wove its way into his hair and pulled him back. He collided with a splash into one of the muddy puddles. Water seeped its way into his jacket and boots, chilling him to the bone under his undershirt and socks. He could feel the gash on his neck open wider, sending a searing slash of pain that caused him to wince.

The first of a barrage of kicks struck him hard in the ribs. He could feel the bones crack with every blow afterward. He sputtered and coughed, glittering red staining the dark pavement. The rough asphalt cut through his soaked clothing.

Why?

Why did it have to come to this?

Why could he not be with someone who made him happy?

This was too much, it was not necessary. He wanted to voice this but the words never escaped. They died weakly on his tongue before he had the chance.

After seemingly an eternity the abuse ceased. The two men were still above him, and he almost thought they would continue again, but they eventually disappeared in the same direction as Eren down the alley. Clearly they were satisfied with the results of their torment.

The rain continued to fall. It plopped into the puddles under him, splashing his already dripping face. Pain racked his entire body. It hurt to breath. It hurt to blink. It hurt to _live_. Those men sure had done a good job at beating him within an inch of his life. He could feel his hold slipping, his eyes dropping lethargically as he tried his hardest to keep them open.

The pain was overwhelming.

Where was his phone? Where were the people on the streets? Why had no one seen or come to help? Surely it was not that dark. The streetlights still blazed life onto the sidewalks. Erwin tried to lift his head to see if anyone was passing by, but the agony his body was immersed in prevented him from doing so.

 _How pathetic_. He could not even move. He tried his hardest to will his arms to twitch, to move, to do _something_ but his muscles remained locked in place. He could feel the life leaking out of his neck with every drop of blood. He could not die yet. This was not right.

With shaking fingers Erwin managed to move his hand and felt around the inside pocket of his jacket. The familiar bulk of his phone was still there (thankfully) and he fumbled with it, hardly able to see the names and numbers displayed on the screen. He was able to make out a familiar looking number and press the call button before blackness enveloped him completely.

…

Warmth. That was the first thing Erwin noticed when he opened his eyes.

It was not familiar warmth. It was the alien kind, like embrace of a family member you never met. Sunlight streamed through the window’s white curtains, casting a steady stream of yellow light onto the disinfected floor. The windows were open allowing an airy breeze to drift through the unfamiliar room. Erwin surveyed his surroundings. This was not his home. It was too sterile. To foreign.

He tried to shift into a sitting position, but the pain that gripped his chest became too much to bare. He held back a cry and winced as he managed to just barely slide his upper body against the flat pillows. An unfamiliar feeling forced Erwin’s eyes down. His chest was wrapped tightly in bandages, hints of red seeping through the white dressings. Intravenous tubes struck out from under his forearms and wrists, feeding into various machines and monitors.

His neck _hurt_.

His head was throbbing, his knees weak, and his legs were visibly cut and bruised. Never in his life had Erwin experienced this amount of overall pain. It was everywhere; it’s pointy fingers sliding under every contraction of muscle. He held a hand to his chest to steady his harsh breathing. The bag held on a tall metal rack in which a tube feed into looked like that of morphine, but if it was it was doing shit job.

Where was he? Where was Levi?

Erwin was so caught up in his thoughts he did not hear the soft knock at the door or the low sound of the hinges as it opened.

“Mr. Smith?” A kind looking woman with a white lab clock entered.

Erwin blinked. “Yes.”

“Glad to see you are awake. My name is Dr. Langnar. How are you feeling?”

“A little confused. My chest hurts as well.”

The doctor chuckled and made her way over to the medical equipment. “I bet. Two of your ribs were cracked, three fractured. You’re going to be in pain for quite some time but we will do our best to sedate it. We already have you on morphine and various other painkillers.”

Five ribs. They had damaged _five_ ribs.

“Is that all?”

Dr. Langnar laughed again. “Is that all? In your rib cage, yes. In other parts of your body, not so much. You received 35 stitches, 27 in your neck and the other eight on your chest. Thankfully no other bones were broken. A severe concussion as well. You lost a lot of blood too, you needed two transfusions.”

The severity of his injuries were a lot worse than he had expected. The doctor relayed more information about the surgeries he had undergone while out and the time it would take to heal.

Through the whole conversation he had only one thing on his mind:

Where was Levi?

The woman left after taking more of his vitals. Erwin stared out the window, his thoughts becoming one swirling mass of confusion and emotion. His head hurt about as much as his chest, every thought hurting just as much as every breath. He blinked slower and slower until his eyes finally slid closed and darkness overtook him once again.

…

“Erwin? Are you awake?” A familiar voice sounded.

“Yes.” He managed. He had woken up hours ago, just before the rising sun had peaked above the horizon. He was not sure how much sleep he had gotten but he was certain it was not much.

Hanji smiled at him and took her place on a chair at his bedside, but there was nervousness behind her eyes. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

Erwin nodded as he looked around the room once again. Nothing had changed.

“Do you remember what happened?”

Remember. His head hurt too much for that. Erwin swallowed, trying his best to recall the events of late. “I think so.”

“Can you tell me what happened?”

Erwin was torn. He could not let her get dragged into this. He shook his head.

“What? Why not?”

“It’s my problem, I don’t want to burden you.”

“Don’t do this Erwin.” Hanji looked gut-wrenchingly heartbroken. His chest tightened with twisted hurt and guilt.

“Don’t do what?” He knew very well what she was talking about.

“Shut me out.”

“I’m not.”

“Then tell me what happened.”

“I can’t.”

“You can’t or you won’t?”

“You want to know? Fine. I was jumped.” 

“Jumped?! By who?” That was a good question. 

Then the memories came flooding back. Brown hair, familiar face, deadly eyes the color of the sea …

“An asshole I don’t want to get you in trouble with.” Erwin’s knuckles were white as he clenched the sheets that pooled at his hips.

“Um, okay,” Hanji, thankfully, dropped the subject, “You’re lucky.”

“Hm, just when I thought my luck had run out.” Erwin said. Hanji’s eyes suddenly when from anxious to stone cold, her entire expression shifting to something much darker.

“Don’t you ever say that.”

“What?” 

“Don’t you ever say you’re luck’s run out. You’re not giving up so easily. Not on my watch. Your life is precious, not matter what you choose to do with it. I won’t let you be so reckless.”

Erwin stared at her.

“What I meant was,” Hanji clenched her phone tightly in the palm of her hands, “You’re lucky I dropped out of med school. If anyone else had come to get you they probably would not have been able to stop the bleeding. Your neck was the worst. Had we come any later you might not have made it.”

Erwin let that sink in. He could very well be dead. Scratch that, he _should_ be dead.

“Wait, we? Who else was with you? How did you find me?”

“You really don’t remember? You called me but when I picked up all I could hear was water dripping and shallow breathing. I knew right away something was wrong. I could just feel it.” Her expression was serious, her voice grim.

“But how did you where to find me? I was in the middle of an alley. I could have been anywhere.”

Hanji’s tone remained uncharacteristically forbidding. “I called Mike. I asked him if he knew where you were and he said the place he last heard from you was downtown at an outdoor show. I told him I thought something was wrong and he said he felt it too. He dropped everything and went to look for you. I did too. After about an hour he called and said he finally found you after searching every nook and cranny downtown. He called the ambulance too but he knew they wouldn’t get there in time. He told me it was bad, and to hurry. When I …” Hanji’s stared at something above Erwin’s shoulder, “When I came you had almost bled out,”

_“I can kill you.”_

“Erwin I … I thought you were gone,” Hanji shifted her gaze down to her hands, her phone now resting lightly on her thigh as she clutched her hands together. The wetness gathering around her eyes threatened to fall in the form of tears.

_“Don’t think for a second that I can’t.”_

“I don’t know what we would have done. What _I_ would have done.”

_“ … I want you to suffer.”_

And suffer he would.

“You saved my life. Without you and Mike I would still be in that alley, nothing more than a cold corpse. You gave me a second chance. Don’t you ever think you could not have given me anymore because you’ve given me everything. You weren’t too late, I’m right here.” Erwin reached his hands out to cup hers, as he did so a twinge of pain slipped between his lungs, but he held her hands in his firmly, ignoring it.

Any trace of Hanji’s typical jovial attitude was completely gone, a distant look of despair distorting her features. She finally cracked, bending over herself with her hands still intertwined with Erwin’s. He could see her soundless sobs as she cried, the stress of recent events finally hitting home. Erwin pulled her close (not without difficulty) and let her cry.

After some time Erwin noticed his cheeks had become wet as well.

…

“I’m going to kill him. I’m going to sniff that rat out and skin him fucking alive.” Mike growled.

“I don’t want you two to get involved with him. How many times do I have to say that?”

“You know just as well as I do that no matter how many times you say it, it’s not going to make a difference.” Hanji chuckled. The nurse at Erwin’s bedside was quiet as she checked his vitals. She looked through his files, checked the nobs and dials again, and then left. Erwin sighed.

“What did the doctor say?” Mike asked crossly.

“Two cracked ribs, three fractured, 35 stitches, and a severe concussion.” It did not hurt when spoken.

Mike’s fist collided with the wall with a dull thud. Hanji jumped, but Erwin remained neutral.

“I’m going to make that son of a bitch suffer for what he did.” His teeth were gritted, his mouth twisted into an angry scowl.

Suffer.

That was what irked Erwin the most. He was forced to suffer. He was forced to endure the pain. Upon the discovery he realized this was exactly what Eren wanted. Eren was not just trying to scare him, he was trying to show him just what he was capable of. He truly did hold the delicate balance of Erwin’s life in his hands. He demonstrated he was beyond capable of inflicting pain for something as petty as Erwin being near Levi.

Levi.

Where was he? As much as it pained Erwin not to know, he had a nagging feeling in the back of his mind. Could he even see him? Would Eren be there before he even had the chance to whisper his name? What if he hurt Levi as well?

So many questions, so little answers.

“We were waiting until you woke up to call him.” Hanji said, as if reading his mind.

Erwin shook his head. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

Mike and Hanji looked at each other. “What do you mean?”

“It’s just,” Should he say it? “I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“We got that, but why?” Mike asked.

The soft beeps of the monitors were the only noise in the room for some time.

“I can’t say.”

“And why the hell not?” Mike tone was sharp enough to cut steel.

“Have you been listening to anything I say?” Erwin’s tone was equally harsh.

“There’s nothing to listen too! You won’t talk to us!” Mike waved his hands to generalize the situation.

“I don’t want anyone else to get hurt okay!” Erwin bit back, his voice rose. He faintly heard the beeping of his heart monitor rise.

“Erwin, I think you need to –”

“Get hurt from what? Why can’t you talk to us?!”

“How many times do I have to repeat myself, _I can’t say_!”

“Erwin, Mike, please!”

“Well you obviously know something! You’ve never acted like this before, you know you can tell us anything!”

“That’s where you’re wrong! I don’t know _anything_ anymore!”

Mike’s expression suddenly switched from furious to glassy. Without another word he left, leaving a whirlwind of heavy frustration and Hanji and Erwin in stunned silence. Of all the years the two had been best friends, Erwin had never seen Mike so livid. Guilt and sorrow weighed heavy on him as he settled his gaze out the window once again.

“I’ll go check on him.” Hanji got up and left the room, but not before giving Erwin’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

What had he done?

Two birds glided by the window, carefree and untroubled. He always admired birds. They were free, no ties to the Earth other than the gravity that keeps them here.

Erwin did not turn his head when he heard the door open once again.

“Oi, I don’t even get a hello?”


	7. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Levi and Erwin chat. Realization strikes like a match and ignites a fire in Erwin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *hides in the corner whilst throwing a shitty chapter at you*

“L-Levi?” Erwin stuttered, “What are you doing here?”

“I came here to finish the job.”

Erwin blanched. “W-what?”

Levi let out a crude laugh. “I see you still have a stick up your ass.”

“And you still have a morbid sense of humor. That wasn’t very nice.”

Levi laughed the same strained laugh as he leaned on the doorframe. He sounded like he was stressed or at the very least fatigued. “Since when could I be constituted as nice? I was always under the impression I was the exact opposite.”

“True, but you nearly gave me a heart attack. And I would never know, ultimately you do work for Eren.”

“Do you really think so lowly of me as to kill an unarmed man in a hospital of all places?” A shadow passed over Levi’s deadpan expression.

“I don’t know what to think of you.” Surprisingly, the truth hurt.

Levi made a ‘tsk’ noise as he entered the room and sat in the chair Hanji had previously occupied. He looked out the window then at the monitors, anywhere but Erwin’s face.

“I have to say I’m surprised you’re here. How did you know where to go?”

“Ha, don’t think I was searching you out Blondie,” Levi scoffed, “I was in the area. This is one of the shittiest hospitals in the city after all. I would know.”

Erwin raised a thick eyebrow at this. “Oh?”

“Don’t go chasing shadows. You might not like what you find in them.”

Erwin could not help the fact that he was intrigued by this. Levi had been nothing but a mystery since they met. His appearance, his job, his personality; all of it was shrouded in a dark cloud. He was like a puzzle and there always seemed to be a missing piece.

How had he fallen for this man?

“But if I do?”

His words were enough to make Levi look at him, his pale skin and gray eyes framed elegantly in the morning rays that streamed through the hospital’s blinds. It was hard to believe that this man was a prostitute. One may never have guessed that he had most likely seen things what most people only believed happened in movies. Erwin could not even imagine what he had to go through under Eren’s hand. 

“You won’t.” There was a finality in his tone that left no room for protest.

The room fell into silence, aside from the constant beep of the heart monitor and occasional rush of air from an exhausted machine. Levi had looked away, opting to stare at the bandages and tubes that surrounded Erwin like a web. Although his expression had not changed, Erwin could see the questions swimming in his eyes.

“Two cracked ribs, three fractured, 35 stitches, and a severe concussion.” He recited the list once again.

Levi’s eyes closed briefly, “Son of a bitch.”

Erwin felt himself relax at his words. He knew he should not have, or felt the opposite of relief, but he did. “So you know.”

“Of course I know. The dickbag wouldn’t shut up about it. He didn’t even beat you too, Reiner and Bertholdt did.”

Erwin made a mental note of their names. “What did he say?”

Levi waved his hand dismissively, his nose scrunched up ever so slightly in an adorable way. “Just being an ass, nothing new.” Levi had turned his head slightly so he could get a better look at Erwin’s broken state. There was a foreign thoughtfulness in his eyes as he leaned closer to run a hand over Erwin’s chest, feeling the bandages. Erwin felt his breath catch in his throat and his heart beat speed up at the sudden closeness of proximity. He vaguely registered the heart monitor pick up on it but was too distracted but the gorgeous man in front of him to care.

Levi sighed as he rubbed his hand absently over the medical cloths. Erwin was shocked to say the least. Levi’s sudden turn of character was almost too much for him to process as his touch was light and his breathing even.

It was then that Erwin noticed something. Had it been anyone else they might not have picked up on it, but Erwin being the perceptive man he was, could see a trail of purplish blotches, expertly concealed beneath a layer of pale make-up. They ran from the base of his neck to his collarbone and then disappeared under the cover of his tattoo. Erwin even noticed he had one under his left eye, although anyone else would have attributed it to the darkness already there.

Erwin lifted his arm, albeit quite painfully, and brushed his fingers softly across the marks. Levi tensed when he felt where Erwin’s fingers lingered, but he made not move to push him away like Erwin thought he would. His breathing stopped as Erwin continued to dust his fingers over the splotches.

A million possibilities ran through Erwin’s head. Had a customer gotten particularly rough with him? That did not seem right, Levi surely would have put them in their place. Did Eren take his frustrations out on Levi as well? The thought made his anger swell within his chest and his vision go blurry with tinges of red. Why was he being so silent? Erwin debated whether or not to even comment himself before he was pushed out of his thought by Levi’s surprisingly quiet voice.

“Why the fuck can you see past everything I do?” It seemed like he was asking himself more than Erwin, “You’re the one fucking person I’ll never understand.”

_Well that makes two of us._

Erwin thought he understood Levi, but hearing his voice sound so stripped and naked and seeing the shattered look in his stony eyes made him question everything he knew. Everything about his feelings, everything about what he knew about Levi; everything he had seen as an outcome never came to this. Erwin doubted for the slightest second that this man was the Levi he had become acquainted with and not some evil twin or a trick by Eren.

But no, this was Levi and he was broken.

Maybe that would be the only thing he could ever be sure about when it came to Levi.

“Who did this to you?” It took him every ounce of strength he had to keep his voice from shaking.

Levi tried to look away but Erwin managed to catch his jaw and keep his gaze on the blond. Erwin tried his hardest to trap his attention and let the question hang in the air. The broken gray amid Levi’s eyes were cold, reminding Erwin slightly of the Levi he knew. He did not know why, but one name rang in his mind over and over and over again. He did not know how, or why, but somehow he just _knew_ it was this individual’s doing.

Eren.

Eren.

Eren.

“Doesn’t matter.” The raven haired male’s tone was just as cold as his eyes. How did they change from broken to frozen so quickly? Any hint of vulnerability (dare he even call it that?) was gone as Levi yanked his jaw out of Erwin’s hold and straightened his back so that they were further apart. Erwin felt like he had lost something he could not quite put his finger on, but more than that he felt the heat of boiling anger in his chest, replacing his previous shakiness.

“It does,” Erwin growled. He knew exactly who it was, “When? When did he do it?”

“What the hell are you talking about?” He bit back.

“They’re still red, I can tell by how much you had to cover them up.”

Levi made a ‘tch’ noise and started to lean back further, poised to get up and walk out. _No, no don’t leave. Why can’t you just hear me out?_

“I told you it doesn’t matter.” He said as he finally stood. Out of pure desperation Erwin grabbed his wrist before he could get too far.

“Levi, wait. I want to –” 

“To help? That’s what they always say. Anyone who I’ve ever let in has told me that. You want to know where they are? Gone. They all left. They were chasing shadows just like you and when they finally saw what was inside of them they ran,” He laughed bitterly, “Monsters don’t hide under the bed anymore Erwin. They hide in people and in alleyways. You’ve only gotten a glimpse at what those monsters can do. So I dare you tell me you want to help, that you understand. Because nothing you do will ever take those demons away.”

Time stood still until Erwin cleared his throat.

“I wasn’t going to tell you I wanted to help,” He said as softly as he could manage, pushing his frustration back into submission. He thought he had been making progress but now this entire conversation felt like a huge step back. Levi gave him a sideways glance but remained poised to leave, “I was going to tell you I wanted to make him pay. You can tell me that I won’t like what I see, that you aren’t worth the trouble you bring, but that won’t deter me. You want to know why? Because you are worth it Levi, no matter how much you tell yourself you aren’t. I don’t know why, I’ve said this before and you may be right to call me crazy for it, but I want to chase those shadows. I want to know who you really are. I don’t care about Eren, or you past, or any of that.”

What ever happened to ‘the past was just that; the past’?

“And I’ve said this before; you’re hopeless.” Levi yanked his wrist out of Erwin’s grip. Erwin, being in the condition he was, choked on pained gasp at the sudden movement. Levi did not turn around.  
He wanted to cry out, to tell Levi he needed to listen, but the words died on his tongue. His blue-eyed gaze found the window. The sky was bright. Erwin frowned.

_THUD!_

“Ow – fucking … shit – ”

“Oh my god! I’m so sorry!”

Erwin looked over at the commotion. Hanji stood in the open doorframe, her hand on the doorknob in front of Levi who held a hand to his head. He rubbed an ugly red spot that was forming in the middle of his forehead.

“Holy shit, I am so sorry. Are you okay?” Hanji held her hands out to steady Levi, who wacked her hands away.

“Watch the fuck out shitty glasses.” Levi barked.

Hanji took a step back, but not because of his intimidating tone. “Wait,” She drawled out the ‘a’, “You must be Levi.” How she made the connection was beyond Erwin. It must have had something to do with way he was dressed, even though he looked relatively normal today. She may be a little off her rocker but sometimes her insanity was resourceful. 

“No, I’m leaving.” The raven haired male made a move to push past the taller woman but Hanji held her ground.

“Oh come on! I’ve been absolutely _dying_ to meet you. You can’t leave now!” She pouted. Levi looked like he was about to punch her in the mouth. Completely ignoring the glare she was currently on the receiving end of, Hanji stepped inside the room. As she closed the door Hanji grabbed the hand Levi was using to massage his forehead. Levi looked absolutely repulsed by the contact as Hanji led him back over to Erwin’s bedside.

“Oh Erwin, I’m so glad I could finally him! How long have you been here? Wait, better question. Why are you here? Don’t tell me you were getting tested for –”

“Hanji!” Erwin silenced her with a sharp glare.

“Ah, okay I see,” She waved her hands in dismissal. Levi yet again looked on the verge of punching her, “But really, when did you get here. I’ve been in the hallway this whole time and I didn’t even see you come in.”

“I fucking teleported.”

Hanji looked at Erwin then back to Levi. She then broke out into a chorus of laughter startling them both. Levi who was usually so unfazed and stoic, had one eyebrow raised in annoyance along with his mouth set in a hard line. He glanced over at the needles littering the top of a medical pan on one of the transfusion devices, glanced at Hanji who was settling down from her fit of laughter, and made a b-line for the needles. Erwin barely had time to grab his arm to stop him.

“Let me go.” He said through gritted teeth.

“I know she’s annoying but bear with me. She really grows on you,” Levi scowled at the blond, “Please.”

Levi dropped the needles with a loud clatter and once again ripped his arm out of Erwin’s grasp. “I wasn’t really going to do it.”

Erwin allowed himself a ghost of a smile. “I know.” Hanji began to rattle off about something neither of the two were paying attention to. Erwin kept his eyes on her but he spoke under his breath to the man at his side.

“I think you’ll like her.”

“Yeah, no.”

They pretended to listened to Hanji for a moment.

“I meant what I said earlier.”

“I know.”

Erwin smiled in full this time.

…

Levi, much to Erwin’s dismay, announced he needed to leave shortly after he received a phone call.

“I have to go.”

“So soon?”

“Look Erwin, I’m not even supposed to be here. What, do you need me to tuck you in? Maybe sing you a lullaby?”

“No, I have Hanji to do that but I’m sure your singing voice is lovely.”

Levi scoffed. “Then I guess I’ll have to sing for you other time smart ass. Try not to get yourself into even deeper shit than you already are,” he opened the door and stood in the threshold, “And if you know what’s best for you you’ll keep your nose out of places it doesn’t belong.”

Before Erwin could retort Levi was gone just as quickly as he had appeared. Chasing shadows huh? That’s exactly what he was … a shadow.

“Boy, he’s a ray of sunshine. Not quite what I was expecting, yet it real doesn’t surprise me. He seems rather pleasant under that permanent scowl of his.” Hanji mused, staring at the closed door.

“I’m glad you see that too.” Erwin smiled faintly.

“You get this look in your eyes when he’s around. It’s absolutely adorable!”

“What?”

“It’s gone now, but you’re eyes get more … bright? Yeah, they get brighter when he’s around. You two are precious.”

“Really? I never would have guessed.”

Hanji was quite for a moment, a rare thing.

“He gets it too.”

Erwin made a choking sound. “H-huh?”

“He didn’t have it when he was talking to me that’s for sure. Maybe he likes you more than you’re letting yourself think Erwin.”

“Hanji how would you know that?”

“I’m the love doctor of course!” She stood up and put both hands on her hips triumphantly, “Okay not really, but I know a strong connection when I see one. Mike had the same look in his eyes when he saw Nanaba for the first time all those months ago.”

Erwin simply stared at the auburn haired woman. She looked completely genuine, a mixture of honesty and excitement whirling in her eyes.

“Oh come, don’t leave me hanging!” Hanji leaned forward and shook Erwin’s arm to which he winced and recoiled, “Sorry!”

“Its fine,” He sighed. She really was crazy but somehow she always managed to hit the nail flat on the head, “I suppose your right.”

“Speaking of Mike, I walked him out to the parking lot and demanded for him to work out whatever was going on between you two. He was extremely reluctant but he said he’d be back later to talk. Something about an important meeting with a company, hell if I know.” She shrugged in an overdramatic fashion.

Erwin simply nodded and let a wistful sigh escape his lips. Hanji stared at him for a moment then, sensing his dread, covered his hand with hers although it remained limp in her grip.

“I’m sure you two will be fine.”

“I hope so.”

Hope. For some reason he wanted to laugh.

…

Erwin was sleeping when Mike cracked open the door to peek inside. Erwin’s usually tense and stern face was relaxed somewhat in slumber, his shoulders hunched in a way that made him seem almost at ease. Mike knew better. The moment the man opened his eyes his hollow and stretched fascia would find a way to pass over his features again. Mike crossed the room and sat in the chair that remained at Erwin’s bedside.

Erwin stirred slightly, then slowly peeled one swollen eye open. It was silent for a long time before Mike finally spoke, his eyes trained in his lap were his hands sat.

“Why?” He whispered, so quietly Erwin almost did not hear.

“You need to understand Mike. There are some things I just _can’t_ tell you. I could never live with myself if you or Hanji or Levi …” He trailed. It took him a second to realize he had said Levi as well.

“Got hurt? Erwin, you sound like a broken record. What’s gotten into you?”

Erwin sighed heavily as he considered the other man’s words. “I am broken.” Levi’s shattered gaze flickered across his vision briefly. _Looks like we aren’t that different after all Levi._

Mike’s eyes widened slightly at this confession. “Erwin I …”

“Don’t,” Erwin muttered, his voice devoid of any emotion as he held a hand up, “I’m asking you as my friend Mike, just trust me.”

Mike deliberated this for moment, the gears clearly turning in his head as he tried to search for a logical reason as to why his friend was so distressed. It pained Erwin to see him so confused, so lost with the situation, but he could not do it. He could not risk anyone else’s involvement.

“I do trust you. You know that.” Mike allowed a ghost of a smile to grace his lips, “I kind of have to. Who else could I count on for calling me out on my bullshit?”

Erwin chose not to say anything and simply smiled. It was a weak smile but it felt good like when he smiled with Levi. All of this pain and confusion was overwhelming, all in all he just wanted to sleep. His most recent dosage of painkillers had yet to fully settle in so he found that the aching in his skull was more prominent. It was late too, at least by the hospitals standards; about nine thirty in the evening.

Aside from the dull pounding in his head Erwin noted the previous throbbing in his heart had lessened some.

He looked out the window and briefly caught sight of two lonely clouds gray outline amid the starry night sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long time no see friend. Before you wring my neck and I give you my excuses for being gone so long, SORRY. I'm such a dick, this chapter was not worth the what, two month long wait? I hit a writer's block the size of Wall Maria (sadly the Colossal Titan didn't come and break it down for me), had some medical issues, and just suffered from overall laziness. I'll try to get the next chapter up quicker to make up for this one's shortness. Thank you all for sticking with me! I love each and every one of you!


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